High-End Freegan

Free Coffee at [Corporate Office Name Withheld] No More!

2011-08-04T12:14:00.000-04:00

So, this is like my third blog post this year! (Ingrid says I don't even qualify as having a blog, since I only post semi-annually.) Watch out, people, an anthology will be coming in about a decade!

I went into my so-called office-job earlier this week and went into the kitchen to make myself a Keurig cup of office coffee. To my horror, I was greeted by a computer-printed sign: "As of Wednesday (tomorrow), we will begin charging $1.00 for coffee." Later that day (not the next day), the company installed a vending machine filled with Keurig cups, and a slot to insert a dollar, like the soda machines at rest stops on the New Jersey Turnpike.

Seriously now? Someone is seriously charging MONEY for a Keurig cup in an office? This is midtown east, near Grand Central, where an actually fresh-brewed, delicious cup of coffee (dozens of options for such, in fact) are mere footsteps away. There's Joltin Joe's (not the actual name), on 45th between 2nd and 3rd, this tiny place where they brew all the coffee French-Press style, and are supersuperlowkey. Joe's the Art of Coffee in Grand Central Terminal. Financier Bakery in GCT, where they make a very respectable brewed decaf, and gorgeous madeleines. Oren's in GCT, if you want beans. I could go on, but I don't even want to mention the white-and-green cups from the obvious ubiquitous purveyor, but STILL. I just feel like it should be an understood principle that for office coffee (a substandard substitute for a fresh-brewed cup of coffee), you don't exchange money. It's a benefit of working in a corporate office. (And I know, cutbacks, recession, magazine industry in the crapper, I get it. My old employer had McKinsey come in and take stock and the next thing you know, our $10 lunch stipend was taken away. Not exactly in that order, but you get the idea.) I often drink the Keurig coffee, just because it's there, not because it's good or I really want it. Just because it's an office perk, like using the copy machine for free, or occasionally putting a letter in the mailroom without a stamp. My thought is, if the company can't afford the Keurig cups, get rid of the machine. It's insulting to have to put a dollar in to a machine that spits out a cup that you then use in the Keurig brewer.

Then, there's my coworker's brilliant idea: She goes to Costco, buys in bulk a box of 500 Keurig cups (at the bulk rate of 53 cents a cup), keeps them in her desk and sells them on the black market at 75 cents, thereby making a profit of 22 cents a cup and giving employees a 25-cent discount (and the F-you to the company is just an added bonus).

Or, I could just spring for Starbucks for the department, because they continue to keep my sorry ass employed. But then what would I have to write about?

P.S. The milk is still free!

Leftovers

2010-12-03T13:51:00.004-05:00

Just returned to the conference room and chatted with my one work friend, a younge cute gay guy in the art department. Just in time for them to be giving away the extra goat cheese. Got some for tonight's Manhattan Friday Nights with our friends Claudia and Amanda, thereby eliminating the need for anyone to stop by Stinky Brooklyn. Great irony: I found out that the magazine I now work for got all of the food and wine donated from different people they have covered in the magazine. Freegans, unite!

Hanukkah Party at Work

2010-12-03T13:42:00.000-05:00

At my new freelance job in midtown at a big corporate fashion magazine, there was a holiday toast in the conference room (money-saving measure): tasteful wines, four different artisanal goat cheeses (with truffle oil, pepper, other little goodies) from some farm in the Hudson Valley, saucisson, baguettes from Le Pain Quotidien, and cupcakes from Georgetown Bakery.

High-End Freegan hits the jackpot. Since my lunch (that would have been expensed) with former coworker was canceled, I slipped into the conference room when the party was in full swing, filled up a plate with charcuterie, all the while acting invisible, and returned to my desk to eat in solitude. Have only been here three weeks and not ready to socialize with coworkers and drink wine, and try to think of funny yet inoffensive banter. I did take two cupcakes for Clyde and Eli: one with a gingerbread man done in fondant on the top, and a red velvet with a little cinnamon red hot heart. Speaking of hearts, do I know how to get to a toddler's, or what?

Not to lose focus: Yes, I will revisit the conference room later for leftovers, including wine.

High-End Freegan Finds Great Hair Product at NYSC

2010-11-18T13:26:00.000-05:00

So I snuck away from my freelance job for 30 minutes before lunchtime to get in 20 minutes on the pre-cor machine at NY Sports Club. After I showered, realized I don't have hair product in my bag, and need some. I'm blowdrying, and I find that someone has left behind a John Frieda anti-frizz gel. I squeeze some into my hand and apply, and, two hours later, my hair looks better than it has in years! It indeed removed the frizz, left my hair soft and shiny and not goopy at all, and piecey, the way it should be. Brills.

Another Corporate Cafeteria, with Soul

2010-11-18T13:08:00.000-05:00

Started a new freelance job at a major publishing company in midtown this week, and finally visited the cafeteria today. Like the one at the previous company I worked for, this one has a nice range of food options, and is cheap.

Got a chicken salad sandwich today and made friends with the sandwich guy, who is clearly an artiste. He was gingerly slicing my lettuce leaf so that it fit inside the nine-grain roll that had to contain it (I hate how a big lettuce leaf sticks out and makes eating a sandwich difficult, too), and I commented on how I liked his practice, and he said, "Culinary school, my dear." Love that he went to culinary school! And then he said, "Would you enjoy a pickle with your creation today?" I mean, he's calling a chicken salad sandwich a "creation." This is a man who takes pride and joy in his work. He's my new office boyfriend.

The Smell of Chinatown

2010-11-11T10:33:00.000-05:00

It's my second-to-last day at my freelance job in Chinatown, and today I took the D train to Grand Street and exited at Grand and Chrystie. At this stop, before you even get up the subway station stairs, you can smell the dried fish that's being hawked on the streets outside. It's so familiar and specific and comforting, like the smell of those roasted candied nuts from the carts in midtown near Central Park. I'm really going to miss working in Chinatown. Next week I start a job in midtown on the west side. Where's the culinary fun in that? (Oh but there is a Magnolia Bakery across the street from the office...)

Working Again

2010-10-12T20:31:00.004-04:00

After seven weeks off of working, I finished my first full day back at work, and damn! Working is exhausting! But good.

Priorities: There's a nice espresso machine at work, plus many cartons of organic Horizons milk in the fridge. High-End Freegan loves free expensive milk! And good coffee--they get French and Italian roast beans from Fresh Direct. Mmmm.

Plus I made the acquaintance of the HR person at work, who has enormous, family-size bags of gummy things at her desk. Things like oversize Coke bottles, regular-size bears, your standard-issue worms. She let me dip in at around 4, and I took a Supersize Coke bottle (her advice: "You need two of these, max." I only took one, as I was embarrassed to let my true, High-End Freegan freak out of the box on just the first day.

Oh, and someone got Balthazar lunch delivered; it's so close (we're in Chinatown)--love that! Looking forward to exploring all the options for lunch around there.

Haven't stolen any office supplies yet...

Cheap Eats in Chinatown

2010-10-12T13:46:00.003-04:00

Started a new freelance gig in Chinatown this morning. Took a walk around the nabe at lunchtime, and found this incredible Chinese bakery, Fay Da Bakery, with gorgeous red velvet cupcakes for only $1.50 each, plus the expected fantastic Chinese treats, like steamed pork buns, sesame balls, and cream-filled doughy things. Mmm. HFE doesn't mind paying when lunch is $1.80.

A High-End Freegan?

2010-10-11T14:09:00.002-04:00

I'm shifting directions a bit here. Thinking about a new blog project, and before I commit to setting up a whole new URL, creating a whole new name, etc., I want to get some of my thoughts down here.

New blog idea: High-end freegan, is that me? In case you're unfamiliar, "freegan" is a hybrid of "free" and "vegan" and refers to people who are anticapitalistic/anticonsumer, who espouse recycling and dumpster diving, particularly as related to gathering food wasted by supermarkets/restaurants. How does this relate to me? I like the good life, but I hate waste. I love high-end things, but I don't want to pay top dollar. I am obsessed with gourmet food and all things foodie, but I never met a leftover I wouldn't take home with me (and that includes other people's).

I think High-End Freegan (that's me?) started in earnest when I lived with my single mom in San Diego and we were struggling to make ends meet, and I'd cut paper napkins in half, along the fold, and give each of us one half at dinner, to save money. Unless you're a toddler or are eating bolognese or lobster, who really needs a whole napkin anyway?

HEF took it to a new level, though, at fancy New York City restaurant Craft, ten or so years ago, with my partner's family. Her dad was treating six of us to dinner there, and we had a big table near the window, and it was fabulous. We started with incredible $14 champagne cocktails, followed by an a la carte menu (that's how Tom Colicchio does it there, last I checked) of $16 brussels sprouts and $24 meat plates (and those prices were 10 years ago!). The bill racks up when sides aren't included. Dry martinis were followed by expensive wines, and we were delighted by everything brought to us.

We were way too full for dessert. Or at least the rest of the family was. I was seated at the end, next to a two-top, who had a dessert sampler (is anything better than a dessert sampler?) of superfancy chocolate-covered raisins and caramel corn and peanut brittles. The couple who was enjoying this couldn't possibly finish it, and I looked over longingly at their leftover popcorn clusters, like a stray dog. They happily offered me up a sample, and I gladly took it. The caramel corn was heaven.

When the couple left, I saw a generous portion of their dessert sampler remaining. I knew it would only go in the trash, and, several drinks into my night, I was brazen. I grabbed the plate and started munching, to the horror of my sister-in-law. (Clearly this is not the way people at nice restaurants behave.) But wouldn't Colicchio want that corn to be enjoyed, savored, finished off? And that's exactly what I did. I might've even put some of it in a paper napkin and stashed it into my (free-gift Gucci) handbag. And a high-end, snobby, urban freegan was born.

Fast forward at least a decade, and I've just left my high-paying job as an editor at a well-known fashion magazine. I don't have a regular income source yet, and I now have two kids, and a mortgage, and, well, still a high-end palette. And I still like free stuff, and I am on a budget more than ever before!

So I've started walking the streets (and everywhere, really) with an eye for free stuff. New freegan procurings since I've been away from an office: An ugly-cute '80s Petite Sophisticate striped vest found on Bergen Street in Park Slope. A box full of interlocking blocks for my child (they're soaking in hot soapy water right now). Lots of cookies/chocolate chunks/dried food/whatever from Fairway in Red Hook.

What do you think? Is this an intriguing lifestyle possibility for me?

SuperOva does it again! Labor & delivery

2009-07-01T07:46:00.004-04:00

Eli Wallace Eberly was born Wed, June 24, at 12:42 pm. Second child. Poor kid. He barely has had any pictures posted, no formal announcement or even email yet, just some sad facebook updates. But he is beautiful and perfect in every way.

The labor was even easier than the one with Clyde. Everyone said the second will be cake, and it was easier, but not quite cake. My water started trickling at about 2 am the night before, and I was bleeding a little, and then regular and painful contractions started at around 2:30. We headed to the hospital by around 4 am, I was 4 cm dilated already, and I had an epidural by 5:30 and was feeling great. The epidural hurt like hell going in, though. Those needles in your spine are hella big.

Then my labor slowed down (contractions but no cervical progress) so they gave me some Pitocin, a small dose, to try to get it started again. It picked up quickly and by about 11 am, I was 8 cm dilated. By noon, 10 cm, and ready to push. Dr. Flagg was our OB, and she said, "Liz, you're going to squeeze this baby out in about 5 mins." She was almost right. Once the pushing started, it took two Blondie songs on the iPod, and he was out. Dr. Flagg told me to put my fingers down near my vaginal canal part way through pushing, and said, "Feel your baby's head!" Then he was out. It burned a little but was really not too bad.

And now Eli is here! A gorgeous, perfect little baby boy. Welcome, Eli!

SuperOva does it again

2008-11-07T10:18:00.003-05:00

Well, probably no one else is reading this anymore, which is fine by me, but if they are, they're going to learn some early news that isn't out of the bag yet. SuperOva is in the family way. Again. Only 4 weeks along so far, but am feeling hopefully that it's going to be successful, because, well, I feel like crap.

The morning sickness started pretty much on Monday, about four days ago, and it has hit like a hurricane this time. It starts from when I wake up in the morning and doesn't end until I fall asleep. Somehow, it feels much worse, much harder this time around, and not just because I have a toddler to care for when I'm at home.

I've been having dry heaves in the morning and horrifyingly, had to vomit in the work bathroom yesterday. It was godawful. I was trying to time it when no one was in there, but someone walked in in the middle--a coworker who sits right in front of me--and I pulled myself together but I don't know if she noticed, anyway. She asked if I was feeling OK, I suppose because my eyes were all teary and my face was red and splotchy.

I'm both hungry and not at all in the mood for food, all the time. At this point, I can pretty much only tolerate starches: Bread, rice, cereal, oatmeal, crackers. The thought and sight (and particularly, the smell!) of vegetables is awful. Same goes for fruit. Anything I used to like, really.

Subway rides are a nightmare. When they're crowded, I feel claustrophobic, trapped, nauseous, overheated, short of breath. Today I almost trampled some people trying to get to a seat that was about to be vacated. It has to be vigilant, trying to find a seat, or else I lose. I'm close to asking people to give up their seat, but not there yet. Today I vacillated between passing out and vomiting. I had to try to do ujai breathing, and visualize feeling good. It was very difficult.

Smells on the streets are horrible, too: Cigarette smoke, men's cologne, sweet & sour Chinese sauce from midtown NYC delis, street meat carts, car exhaust. I haven't been able to walk/exercise at all this week, because I've been too busy at work, and that sucks too.

I'm very happy that we conceived--the first time we tried, this cycle! And at home, to boot!--but dzang, so far, trimester one has been ROUGH riding. I'm trying really hard to remain positive, and thankful that we conceived again, something I know so many couples are struggling with. Perhaps even harder than the physical nausea and fatigue (how do working women do it???) is the emotional isolation I feel. Ingrid (and my mom and our tenant) are the only ones who know at this point (and you, if you're reading this), and I'm still trying to keep it under wraps because it's only been a month, and who knows what could happen, and I'm not ready for it to take over the subject of all of my dialogue just yet. But because no one really besides Ingrid knows, and Ingrid often isn't available to talk during the day, I feel like I'm bearing the secret of feeling awful, and why, all alone. I think I have to tell someone soon.

Mommy Goes Crazy, Day 1 of Training

2008-06-02T16:44:00.002-04:00

I'm all jazzed about the idea of running a half-marathon with Jenn in Philly, September 21. I felt horrible this morning because of too much drinking, too many cupcakes and junk food, and then we were woken up in the middle of the night by a FIRE in the house next door to us!! Smoke pouring out of the house, the smell of burnt plastic coming through our windows! We grabbed Clyde and ran outside and huddled with our tenant and our neighbors as 30 firefighters and 4 fire engines broke the glass windows and sprayed the water to extinguish the fire, right next to our bedroom window. We went back in, without any problem, about a half hour later. No one was hurt, it seems. Not sure if the house next door will sustain any water or fire damage, or how major it'll be. But suffice it to say, I didn't sleep well.

BUT, I went to the gym at lunch, and listening to very upbeat stuff on my ipod, and thinking of Jennifer running the NYC Marathon, which she did last year, I ran 3.1 miles!! Whoomp. There it is. I'm getting psyched.

Mommy Goes Crazy

2008-06-01T08:43:00.001-04:00

Last night we went out to dinner for Clyde's and my birthday and I got drunk and agreed to do a half-marathon in Philly with my sister-in-law Jenn. Am I crazy! I can run two miles pretty easily on the treadmill but 13???? Wish me luck; there's no getting out of it now, and I needed a new fitness goal. Thanks Jenn!

Uh Oh

2008-05-20T20:59:00.002-04:00

Clyde's first word is "uh oh!" She says it all the time, but especially when she hears us say it. She also is SO into her reading. If she has a book turned upside down, and Ingrid points that out, she turns the book right-side up. We think she's going to be a good reader!

The Norma Rae of Boerum Hill, Brooklyn

2008-05-19T21:11:00.002-04:00

I've been joking that I'm going to become the Norma Rae of Boerum Hill, Brooklyn, regarding Clyde's education. Our biggest issue with our house is that we are zoned for Public School 38, which is 2 blocks away from our house, but it is considered an "underperforming school," everything from "in transition" to just plain "not good enough" for people we have talked to to send their kids. We live next to a housing project, and most of the kids from the project go to PS 38 (ranging from K through 5th grade). As well, a lot of very upper middle-class families are moving to the neighborhoood (the house two doors down from us, same layout, sold for a million dollars, and the buyers are a young, pregnant couple who are gutting the house and renovating it). All of this is to say that there are a lot of class differences involved with the families zoned for PS 38.

We love where we live--love the neighborhood, love how close we are to Smith Street and 5th Avenue in Park Slope and Atlantic Avenue, and love how we've met all of these new families with kids around Clyde's age, since we've moved here. Our biggest concern, though, is how Clyde will be educated. We can't afford private school (that costs roughly $25K a year from kindergarten on), and we certainly can't afford private school for more than one child, in case we want to have a bigger family. And so our options are to send Clyde to PS 38, to apply to private school, or to go through numerous bureaucratic petitions to try to get her into a different public school.

In past years, parental communities have gotten involved to get schools to improve. It happened in Carroll Gardens and Park Slope, apparently, the best schools in Brooklyn. So Ingrid and I thought, why not in Boerum Hill, and why couldn't it start with us?

We decided to start with a tour of PS 38. I called the parent liaison, this lovely young man named Mr. Hassan, who gave us a great tour of the school. They have a very diverse student population, a new principal in the last two years, and a gifted and talented program, and a very diverse roster of after-school cultural activities, from Israeli dancing to painting to karate.

Ing's and my biggest concern after that tour was this: if your child tests into the gifted and talented program (she has to take a written test of 160 questions as a kindergartner!), she has the option to go to the gifted program in any school in the district that has a gifted program, but has to win acceptance by lottery. If she doesn't win acceptance, she is automatically admitted into the gifted program at the school she is zoned for (38, in our case). But then we discovered that the gifted program takes those kids out of the classroom of the other kids for five days a week--they only share time with the general population for lunch and recess and gym. We didn't like the idea of the gifted kids being segregated out so completely. We left there with a big question mark.

Then, we went to a stoop sale this past weekend, at a public school in Park Slope, and met someone who was a teacher at PS 38 last year. She told us she had lovely students, but that there were some behavioral problems, and that she spent so much time disciplining the kids that she didn't get to fully, effectively teach. Ingrid and I wanted to know exactly what "discipline problems" meant, and this teacher gave us an example: 1st graders calling their peers "crackhead ho's." Hm. She also said, off the record, that the new principal is black and that she sensed some racial tension with her, in that she sensed that the principal didn't feel that the white teachers really identified with her nor the student body.

We've got a challenge ahead of us. (That teacher, incidentally, left the school and is teaching at another school in Brooklyn, now, and loves it.)

Our friend from college is a Broadway star!

2008-05-14T17:05:00.003-04:00

Last night I went to see Boeing Boeing, this play on Broadway starring Bradley Whitford from The West Wing, Gina Gershon (deelish in Bound), Christine Baranski and, drum roll, our friend Kathryn Hahn (and my onetime roommate) from Northwestern. Kathryn is probably the most successful theater grad from our years at NU, unless you count Greg Berlanti, who created Everwood and Brothers and Sisters, and is a writer/director, not an actor. But Kathryn was on Crossing Jordan for years, and has been in a bunch of movies, including How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days. She lives in LA but is here for the run of the show, and she's part of a fantastic ensemble cast, and she has a great, scene-stealing role.

The show is a farce--honestly not my favorite kind of theater, but that said, it is really great if you do like farce. All the performances are spot-on, especially Kathryn's. Mary MacCormack was nominated for a Tony. My friend Brekke and I went backstage after the show to see Kathryn, and it was just thrilling. Neither of us had ever been backstage at a Broadway production. We had to wait a few minutes, then we were let up by the security guard, and we passed Bradley Whitford's, and then Gina Gershon's, and Christine Baranski's, and Mary MacCormack's dressing rooms, and finally, we arrived at Kathryn's little dressing room. It was all so thrilling. She had a congratulatory note from David Hyde Pierce!

Kathryn, we are all so proud of you. You were always a brilliant performer and bound to be a star. (Oh and an amazing mother of a beautiful 18-month-old, Leonard, to boot!

Anyway Kathryn introduced us to Mary, her next-door neighbor in the dressing room line, and she was gorgeous and gracious. She had a bunch of bottles of Pinot Grigio in her dressing room, and we laughed about that, and she told me she loved my (cherry-tomato-red vintage) jacket. It is pretty great.

Mary was nominated for a Tony for best featured actress in a play. Good luck!

Lucky Girl

2008-05-12T21:02:00.002-04:00

I have a new job at Lucky, as Deputy Editor. Basically, it's my dream job, at my dream company Conde Nast (where I worked 10 years ago as the assistant to the Managing Editor of Vogue, my first job in NYC). The cafeteria is beyond. It was designed by Frank Gehry. Pas mal.

Clyde is Immortalized

2008-05-12T20:46:00.002-04:00

Clyde is in a New York artist's painting. Our friend Trista's friend Delia Brown is a painter who has been featured in W magazine, among others. She paints portraits of conflicted desire, featuring her friends and herself as her subjects. This series is called "Precious," and it is about women in their late 30s who are not mothers, and the ambivalent feelings therein. Interesting concept, for sure, and quite relevant to so many women we know in NYC. If you are in NYC, and read this, go see Delia's work at D'Amelio Terras Gallery. If not, google Delia Brown and learn more about her. She's fierce.

So Saturday night was the opening. We were invited because Clyde was one of the subjects in the paintings, posing with our friend Trista, who doesn't have children (yet?). There was a soft opening, on Wednesday, for subjects, including kids, with cupcakes and champagne. Saturday was the actual opening, for grownups, and there was a dinner afterward for the friends and subjects, at the gallery. Gribeca Pediatrics doctor Michel Cohen was there, and Cynthia Rowley's kids were in the show too. That's when I realized we were in good company.

Then there were drinks at the Beatrice Inn, this fancy lounge in the West Village where apparently celebrities hang out. It was awesome. There was a downstairs lounge where we had these fancy drinks, called "the West 12ths" that were mojitos made with vodka. Yum. Delia asked me to get her champagne and the bartender poured it from a little half bottle of champagne that was so adorable that I asked him if I could have the whole thing. He gave it to me, and I wanted to impress Delia, so I brought the bottle and two glasses to her table (her parents were sitting next to her) and I put one of the glasses into my cleavage and had her pour the champagne into the glass and sip it out of its nestling in my cleavage. It was good times, good times.

The breast pump...

2007-12-05T14:18:00.000-05:00

... was finally delivered, after being screwed up TWICE for delivery. I called and had it out with Target again on the phone, and they're giving me 15% off the order. It's a shiny new device, but so far, I haven't pumped any more milk. The lactation consultant said sometimes it takes a couple of days to catch up to a new pump, so we'll see.

Meanwhile, Clyde's back to her charming self. Maybe she just didn't like those people she met over Thanksgiving?

Mommy's Night Out

2007-12-05T14:07:00.003-05:00

Ingrid and I take turns now having nights out. I get, like, one or two a month. If there's something I really want to do. Just a random night of drinks out isn't worth not seeing Clyde for a whole night. And because we're in Brooklyn, if I go out with friends in Manhattan, I can't see Clyde before bedtime and then come back into the city. Not practical. But there was something I really wanted to do.

My friend Andrew, who just got a new job at Teen Vogue, is freelancing at Vogue. He invited me to the premiere of Atonement, the Keira Knightley movie based on the Ian McEwan novel. I was excited at this prospect, as I just read the novel in anticipation of the movie, and my magazine did a little piece on the movie. At the last minute though, we got shut out of the screening and so we went for drinks beforehand at a fabulous East Village newish bar (everything is new to me at this point, as I never go out anymore) called Death and Company. We had beautiful, bespoke cocktails with ingredients I couldn't pronounce, like Punt e Mes vermouth, and Cyrnan, an artichoke liqueur, and beautiful Beefeater gin.

Then we went to the afterparty for the movie, at Balthazar. I was excited, as Balthazar is so old-school. I met some of Andrew's colleagues, other assistants at Vogue. It reminded me of how glad I am that I don't work there anymore. One of them was amazing--her job for the night was to guard a $40K necklace and to try to get a celebrity to be photographed wearing it. How this is a Vogue person's job, and not a jewelry company's PR's job, I am not sure. Others were not so lovely--the kind of people who are scanning around your head while speaking to you, looking to see who might be better in the room to talk with.

That's when I met Mamie Gummer. Mamie is Andrew's new "friend," whom he met at a Vogue event, and she is also Meryl Streep's daughter. She and Meryl played the same character at different ages, in the movie Evening. She is gorgeous. Andrew introduced us. We were chatting about the book, and about Northwestern, which she also attended, and graduated in 2005 (nothing like that to make you feel ancient). Then Andrew excused himself to go to the bathroom, and as soon as he left, Mamie, in mid-sentence with me, turned her back to me and literally leapt into the lap of one of the three men she had arrived with. As if I weren't in the room.

Didn't Meryl teach her any manners?

Maybe I was just too excited to meet her, and got a little starstruck...

Target and my new breast pump

2007-11-29T14:51:00.000-05:00

So I ordered the Medela Pump In Style from Target on Sat, Nov. 17, and requested 3 to 5 business days' delivery, and today, the 29th, it still hasn't arrived. Yesterday I tracked the package with UPS and it had been delivered, it said. To somewhere in Ohio. Awesome. I called Target and a guy on the 800-# told me that I needed to call back, that their computers were down.

I said, "My package hasn't been delivered in 11 days, and I'm annoyed and can YOU call me back?"

He: "We can't record the call because our computers are down, so I wouldn't have any way to write down your phone number."

Me: "Do you know how to use a fucking pencil?"

He: "Ma'am, please don't use..."

Me: Hangup.

Poor guy, I know I was venting and it wasn't his fault. Later, I called back and thankfully got a different phone rep, who checked into the order and apologized and said she is sending out a new breast pump, 2-day delivery at no cost to me. So Target's in my good graces again. Or, they will be once the pump arrives...

Solid Foods

2007-11-29T14:46:00.000-05:00

I haven't been blogging, and I haven't been recording any of Clyde's special moments. I just decided I'm going to go home and add some new details to her baby book that Grandma Lynn got for us.

In the last two weeks, she's started solids. The doctor said you have to pick one food and stay with just that for at least three days, to eliminate the possibility of any allergies. We haven't been quite that regimented. I know the doctor is being on the stringent side, to avoid any possible malpractice suits. Thus far, Clyde has tried rice cereal, oatmeal, bananas, sweet potato, and peas. We've just taken the regular food and ground it up either in a coffee grinder or a little Cuisinart and it has been working fine. It's hard to get the peas mushy enough, because they have shells. But she's such a good eater. She loves everything, and screeches while eating, because we can't get the food in her mouth fast enough.

Meanwhile, we aren't sure if she is teething or not. She has this really loud, really annoying scream, and it usually comes when she's either hungry or tired or doesn't like her position on the floor, OR when we leave her alone and walk away from her. Are we developing a superneedy child?? Over Thanksgiving, she met some new people--friends of Ing's parents--and she was really screechy with them all weekend. I was embarrassed. Like, here's our new baby, and she screams all weekend. She's been much better since we got home though.

Lactation Consultant

2007-11-18T07:54:00.000-05:00

At work, one of our magazines is Lamaze, a custom magazine for the natural childbirth organization. The Rodale contact is also a lactation consultant who volunteers with La Leche League (who I did call, and never called me back, incidentally.) My coworker Jen told me that. I've been seeing a great decrease in my milk supply, so I decided to call Allison. She was the mommy figure/earth mother I'd always wanted (no offense, Mom).

"The thing about fenugreek," Allison said, "Is that you have to take a lot of it. Get the tincture. The tea hardly has any in it."

And the Guinness? "It makes me mad when people say to drink Guinness. We don't want to suggest to someone who doesn't even drink to drink Guinness. There are other things you can do. That said, if you already enjoy drinking beer, go for it."

Then Allison asked, "How far do you live from work? Is it realistic for the nanny to bring Clyde to your office to nurse?"

"Uh, no."

Then she told me she was worried maybe Clyde was eating too much, too fast, from the bottle, and that we should cut back on feedings. (She doesn't know Clare, and how bossy she is, and how Clyde screams when she doesn't get enough food. Even with me.) But she suggested looking at this website, Dr. Jack Newman's, and to look up "Upright Paced Bottle Feeding," which shows alternate feeding methods so that babies don't eat as much, as fast.

Then Allison asked me about my pumping habits (twice a day at work, once at night). Then she asked me if I'd had any dietary changes. She suggested I get my thyroid checked, as this can cause a supply decrease (NB: I did ask our ped about this, and she said side effects of hypothyroidism are also weight gain, dry skin, and low energy. I said, 'that's not me.')

Then about my equipment: the pump. I told her I used a Medela Pump In Style.

"Is it a hand-me-down, Liz?"

"Sure," I said cheerfully.

"My love," she started. (I sort of wanted to crawl back into the womb then. Her womb. Anytime someone starts a sentence with "my love," I find it akin to someone making me a warm glass of milk before bedtime. And, by warm glass of milk, I mean, a Scotch.) "My love. Please don't tell me you got that pump from your friend who had three kids go through it."

"Sure," I said, less cheerfully. "Yep, three kids." (I only remembered yesterday that Sue actually pumped for her three kids on that machine, but also then loaned it to a friend who used it for her pumping. So FOUR kids so far, plus Clyde.)

"They conk out," Allison said, referring to the pumps, not the kids. "The first thing you need to do is get a new pump. We recommend the new Medela Double Electric Pump In Style, or the Ameda Pump In Style."

I said, "Another $250!!! I hate getting new stuff."

"It might really make a difference, and think of the money you'll save on formula," she said.

She didn't know that I'm really cheap, hate buying new stuff, and was feeling particularly satisfied that I'd gotten through six months of new baby life without buying a breast pump. In fact I've inherited two.

"That's your first order of business," Allison said. She also suggested I start pumping both breasts at the same time, and that that would make a big difference.

Then she got to the psychological part: Pumping porn.

"Do you have any pictures of Clyde, or video, or could you tape record her voice? Thinking about her while you pump will get you in the mood." I had to try not to laugh, as this reminded me of that scene in Little Children where Kate Winslet's husband, addicted to the Slutty Kay website, jerks off to pictures of this woman with great big tits, whilst smelling her worn thong underwear that he has ordered in the mail.

I do have pics. And video. And I could even bring in one of her stuffed animals!

The last thing, Allison said, is to have a lactaction weekend. Kind of a romantic getaway, but with your baby. Stay in bed and nurse all weekend, she said. "That I can TRY to do." It sounded like a nice idea, in fact. But when would we have time to go to Fairway?

Coffee

2007-10-22T15:58:00.000-04:00

Ing thinks I should start another blog about my obsession with decaf coffee. How I can only drink my coffee if it's pure piping hot. If it's really strong and dark. If it has the perfect amount of milk in it. If it's really fresh.

I have gotten into fights with the sales clerks at Starbucks because their decaf doesn't hold up to their regular. Because they let it sit around too long. Because it gets cold and not as fresh as the regular.

I don't like Gorillas in Park Slope because it's not hot enough, and when you add milk it is just downright tepid.

I don't drink regular coffee because I don't need that much caffeine, but I love the ritual and the taste of drinking coffee.

I love Fairway because their coffee is good (the decaf not as much as the regular but beggars can't be choosers), and it's $1, and I love the experience of shopping at Fairway.

There's a great new cafe on Atlantic in our 'hood, Brooklyn Bean and Tea Company, where I paid $4 for a decaf. $4, but it was a fresh French pressed large cup of coffee. It was so delicious and hot. They steamed a little bit of milk for me so I didn't have to ruin it with cold milk. When it started getting not hot, they steamed the coffee for me. The people behind the counter are charming, and cute, and it's a new business and I like supporting the local business.

Ahhhh.... Coffee. Next I'll post about my preferences in martinis.

New Entertainment Obsessions

2007-10-22T15:53:00.000-04:00

Ingrid and I saw Michael Clayton on Saturday. A friend of ours "borrowed" Clyde. Long story. She's a single mom. Got herself knocked up by a sperm donor in doctor's office. Her daughter is 20 months now. She wants a second baby but worries it'll be too hard as a single mom so she asked to borrow Clyde so that they could "test" out being a family of three instead of two! So our friend took Clyde and Tess to a pig roast in the nabe. Apparently Clyde was very well behaved and even slept. Our friend put Clyde in the ergo carrier, and Tess in the stroller. Tess, the 20-month-old, loved Clyde and played and poked at her. Ing and I went to the movies and had a date, and drank 72 oz. of Diet Coke for $5. Cheaper than a sitter for three hours, I guess.

Then we watched the first season of Weeds on Netflix. I'm obsessed! Everyone on it is so genius. Elizabeth Perkins is my favorite, I think.

I think I need to start a blog about TV shows that I'm obsessed with, two years after everyone else discovers them: Arrested Development, Six Feet Under, 24, Weeds, Big Love. In two years, it'll be Lost, Grey's Anatomy and Heroes.

Working from home

2007-10-19T15:34:00.000-04:00

Today, it's awesome. I had to go into the city for meetings and came home around 2 and Clyde was napping, since 1:30. She's still napping, at 3:43. Not bad. So I've gotten all my work done and can play with her when she wakes up.

Meanwhile, nanny Clare told me this week that she is going to get Clyde a library card! That babies who get cards at the Brooklyn Public Library get free books once a month, and are invited to special programs at the libraries. How cute is that???

Clyde is still not sleeping through the nights. Last night, she woke up three times before her actual wakeup time. We haven't given in and fed her yet in the middle of the night, and are trying not to because apparently babies will start waking up every night wanting food if you feed them. I guess we are lucky because she goes back down pretty easily, after we just comfort her for a minute or two, but it still feels tiring. Here we go!

Sassafras

2007-10-14T21:08:00.000-04:00

Our tenant downstairs has a 4-year-old. He has an unusual name, Cerulean. Really creative, sensitive, sweet boy. Apparently he's decided he wants to change his name. To what, you ask? Joey? Billy? Owen? No. Sassafras. Yes, Sassafras. He gets upset, evidently, if his mom or anyone else calls him Cerulean. He insists on Sassafras. I'm like, Is that a drag name?? Our poor tenant. She said it's been hard to get used to, and she's going to see how long it lasts. Parenthood!!

Waverly Inn

2007-10-14T21:06:00.000-04:00

Oh and Waverly Inn was OK. Kinda overrated. We had a rezzie at 930 and still didn't sit till 1030. I was cranky and tipsy and hungry, and was like, 'I'd so rather be home and in bed or holding Clyde right now!' But it was fun to see the place. Very pretty, floral, warm restaurant. We saw Gretchen Mol and Fran Lebowitz and some girls I used to work with at Vogue. But overall, it was unremarkable. Glad we tried it, don't need to claw my way back in.

Clyde, Meet Formula

2007-10-14T21:01:00.000-04:00

We gave Clyde a bottle of formula for the first time tonight. I have been doing everything I can to avoid giving her formula, and I'm not sure why. Guilt, because I feel like breastmilk is better? It is, but formula is fine too. Our doc said, "We were all formula-fed, and we turned out ok..." And it's true!

Clyde took to the formula like it was ice cream. She's not a fussy eater. By that, I mean she eats breast milk AND formula, now. We gave it to her because she's been waking up a lot at night, hungry I think. And she eats more than I can produce in a day at work. So we'll see how tonight goes.

Today we took her to an event that Target sponsored at Columbia University called Children Read. It was author reading for kids books, little tents where reading areas were set up, coloring books and games for kids, and book sales. It was all free, and so so cool. There were so many cute families there. We'll be excited to go back next year when Clyde can appreciate it even more.

She's so goshdarn cute, it's hard to not snuggle her all the time! She's been fussy lately, I think because she is too hungry. So let's see how this new formula feeding goes. I'll still do the breastmilk, but just supplement with formula...

PS Fingerprinting

2007-10-04T11:13:00.000-04:00

We did get fingerprinted, but it took an hour and half for both of us, and a new employee at the NYPD fingerprinted me, and it seems she used too much ink, so some of my prints are too dark. They said, "It's no problem, if the court won't accept them, you can just come back." Awesome. Can I pay another $15 money order, too?

Date Night

2007-10-04T11:08:00.000-04:00

My mom is in town and going to take Clyde for an overnight tonight. So Ingrid and I have planned quite a night out! I am going to a work event right after work, then getting a massage, and Ingrid's getting one too. Then we are heading down to the Thompson Hotel rooftop bar to meet our friend Andrew, who has a key to the roof (it's like the Gramercy Park, you have to have a key to get access!).

We'll have drinks there, then we're having dinner at Graydon Carter's restaurant, The Waverly Inn at 9:30. When was the last time I had dinner at 9:30?! It must have been in my 20s, for sure. Andrew had to email Graydon's assistant at Vanity Fair to get us a reservation. We are excited, as this is something we couldn't/wouldn't do on our own.

Meanwhile, Clyde is growing ever faster. She's started rolling over, and grabbing her toys with her hands and holding on. It is crazy, how she advances every day. She's at 13 lbs, 11 oz now, and measures 25 inches. She's also talking up a storm, and eating 18 oz. of breastmilk while I am gone during the day! Soon we will have to supplement with formula, because I can't pump enough!

Mommy Drinks

2007-09-30T20:31:00.000-04:00

I threw up this weekend. For the first time since Clyde was born. So embarrassing. I almost never do that anymore! I had dinner with these work people on Friday night. This woman I work with, her son is the executive chef at a new fancy steakhouse, Primehouse. She invited me and several of our coworkers to the soft opening of the restaurant, as "friends and family," for a meal on the house.

It was wonderful. I started with a Hendricks martini and had a couple variations of white and red wine, a whole lazy Susan worth of the raw bar, steak tartare, and a bone-in ribeye steak that was fantastic. I was excited, and Clyde was with Ingrid and it was my first time out without Clyde or Ingrid since I gave birth. I had so much fun, flirting with all the wait staff and just really enjoying my coworkers, that I overdid it on the wine a bit. And the middle of the night came, and I was throwing up. Ooops.

Friday afternoon I took Clyde for her 4-month doctor visit and got some new vaccinations. As usual, Dr. Berg from Pediatric Associates says she is growing "gorgeously," and is in the 75th percentile for weight and the 50th percentile for height. But every baby I know is in those percentiles, so we don't believe the charts as much. She measures 25 inches and weighs 13 lbs, 11 oz. She can start eating solids any time from now on! She's eating more breast milk than I can pump, which means we might have to start supplementing formula for her. I am trying not to, though.

Today, Sunday, we had a great day. Took Clyde to the Atlantic Antic, a big street fair on Atlantic Avenue, and down to DUMBO arts fair. She looked at her first art in private studios, and smelled street-cooked meats for the first time, and we rode a vintage carousel with her in DUMBO. She's getting so much fun!

Getting Back into the Swing of Things

2007-09-27T11:29:00.000-04:00

It's been ages since I've blogged, and to be honest, I'm kind of overwhelmed. I've been invited to join these social networking sites, MySpace, and LinkedIn, and I have joined, even though I feel like I am 100 years old and can't see the use of these sites. Like, isn't sending someone an email enough? Can someone tell me, where can I post video from my digital camera so that people can see videos of Baby Clyde?

Clyde is almost four months and is an amazing, beautiful, alert baby. More and more changes every day. But this entry isn't about that.

This is a rant. To have Ingrid become Clyde's legal mother, we have to do a second-parent adoption proceeding. We have to apply to have Ingrid adopt Clyde, and to do so, we had to have a social worker visit our house and inspect our relationship with Clyde, and we have to put together all these documents---our address history for the last 20 years, our domestic partnership paperwork, our financial documents, our health records, a doctor's note saying we are both healthy, reference letters from nonfamily members, etc. etc. etc. And fingerprints.

We have to be fingerprinted to ensure we don't have a criminal record. Fingerprints are taken at the local police station. You have to make an appointment. We did that last Friday. The appointments are between 10 and 1 Monday through Friday. Not a great schedule for someone who works 9 to 5. Then you need a money order for $15.

Due to a misunderstanding between me and the woman who is new working at the front desk of the police station, I thought we needed a money order for $16. But it's $15. And they won't accept the MO for $16. So I have to go back to the bank and pay another $7 to get a money order for $15. It's something out of Kafka's descent into hell. Bureaucratic hell.

Additionally, once we got to the police station we discovered you need a valid ID, one that has your current address. Both our driver's licenses have our last address. This was our fault, not the police station's. But annoying nonetheless. So today we waited online at the DMV for an hour to get a change of address. $15. They accept cash, thank the Lord.

I ask, Straight people don't have to do this! But we do? Ingrid says, rightfully, "Some straight people do adopt." But still, it's annoying, when Ingrid has been part of the planning of Clyde's conception for two years plus now. I can rant, though, can't I?

Meanwhile, I'm back at work. For four weeks now. It's going amazingly well! Mostly because my schedule is awesome: I come in at 10 and leave at 5, and work from home on Fridays. A friend pointed out that this is, by NYC standards, a part-time job. With full-time pay. There's worse things, I guess. Like having to get fingerprinted....

Oh and one more rant: I can't pump enough breast milk during the day to keep up with the amount Clyde now eats in a day--15 to 18 oz while I am gone--This little Piggy is going to have to start eating formula and smashed peas soon, I am afraid... Unless someone else wants to donate some breast milk???

First Day Back at Work

2007-09-04T20:40:00.000-04:00

Today was my first day back at work after 13 weeks off. Clare, the full time caregiver, showed up around 8:45 and told me she had a plan for the day: to take Clyde to Barnes & Noble in Park Slope and read some books, then meet a friend who has a 3-month-old for a playdate in Prospect Park. I felt so reassured that she had a plan. I told her that someone got shot in the housing project near us, and not to go to that park, and she assured me that she in fact didn't like that park for babies anyway, and not to worry. And she told me that she's looking for Music Together classes for her and Clyde to tell Ingrid and me about. I felt so much better leaving for work. I left around 9:20.

Work was actually great! It is Fashion Week and I got all of my show invites together and put them on my calendar, and I took my close coworkers out for sushi and sake and it was really fun to be with adults again. I got to wear one of my new cute fall outfits and that felt good. I unpacked my office and checked out the kitchen at work.

So, I came home around 5:40. Clare was feeding Clyde, and I was bummed because I had hoped to give her a breastfeeding, but then after Clare left Clyde wanted more, so I fed her a little supplemental breastmilk. After Clare left (and filled out her daily log that Ingrid created online for her), Clyde was kinda fussy and wouldn't burp and didn't seem satisfied. And she wouldn't look me in the eye. I was like, "You've forgotten me already!" My mom was like, "No, she's just resentful you left her." (Thanks Mom.) Anyway, so we got about an hour of playtime and then Ing came home and we made dinner, and then we gave her a bath and she passed out ten minutes later. So I guess she's doing OK. But she didn't seem as happy as when I left this morning. But I guess I'll have to get used to that.

Tomorrow night I have to do this work event for fashion week and Ing's gonna hang with Clyde by herself, which she's looking forward to. I'm kinda bummed though; as Ing says, "Is this just corporate life? You see your kid for an hour in the morning and an hour at night and then they go to bed, and you hang on the weekends." Oy.

Meeting Great Grandma and Grandpa

2007-08-27T12:17:00.000-04:00

We drove up to Orange County to meet my maternal grandparents and my aunts and uncles who live up there. They all loved Clyde. My grandma held her, and kept saying in Vietnamese, "She's smiling, she's smiling." My grandpa, whose health is fragile, didn't hold her but came into the bedroom where I was changing her and sat down on the bed and just watched her for about 15 minutes. It was quite beautiful! All of her great aunties and uncles also held her, as did my cousin Dao, who is my same age (36) and seems to be ready for a baby. Fred says she'd better "get on the stick."

It has been so nice to have my mom and Fred around so much during this time, to help and to really get to know Clyde in the early months. It's been such a blessing, and my mom has been so in love with Clyde. It's really been a joy to watch, since I don't get to see her with babies very often. This is what she's been waiting for, for years. I only wish Mama Ingy could have been here to see Clyde meet her great grandparents.

T-minus-8 days that I go back to work. Very much not looking forward. But have bought some good fall clothes, so I'm ready, at least logistically!

Clyde and Delilah

2007-08-25T12:37:00.001-04:00

We had a playdate yesterday with my friend Shana from high school and her daughter Delilah, 5 months. It was amazing! Clyde looked over at Delilah, who is two months older, and Delilah was kicking at this toy, and then Clyde started kicking. Shana put a toy in front of Clyde, and Clyde started grabbing and holding it, and seemed SO happy yesterday. Shana said sometimes kids look at older kids and try to reach for the milestones that those kids are doing, and Clyde really seemed to! It was a great day yesterday. She was so happy and stimulated and loves her new BFF, Delilah!

Clyde's First Flight

2007-08-25T12:31:00.000-04:00

We flew across the country this week, to visit Grandma Van and Grandpa Fred and Clyde's great grandparents and all of her aunties and uncles in Orange County, CA. The trip has been a raging success so far!

First, I figured out how to hook a carseat into a taxi without the car seat base. Easy peasy. Then, we did curbside check of my bag, and I brought the stroller attachment to the seat, which worked fine in the airport. I got mysteriously upgraded to first class. Amazing! There were all of these older men in first class, all looking like, "Don't sit next to me!" But the man who was next to me was very nice and even offered to hold Clyde while I ate (there is actually food in first class, and it's not bad! And unlimited wine!). She was an angel. She cried for, like, 5 minutes and that's all. She was alert for about an hour or two of the flight and we talked and read and played with a toy. The flight attendants took turns holding her while I ate, and they seemed very happy to do it.

On the connecting flight, I had to sit in icky coach, but it worked out OK. The man next to me was very nice and even held Clyde while she cried for a few minutes. It was not too bad. I checked the stroller at the gate and it was waiting for us when we got off the plane. So, traveling with an infant, the verdict is: NOT SO BAD! The only hard part really was going through security, I had to take apart the stroller and put it through the xray machine and carry Clyde through by hand. And on the flight, I had her in her Ergo carrier so my hands were kind of free.

When we got home, her sleep schedule was kind of screwy so she woke up twice in the night but she was mostly fine! Hooray!

Reading is Fundamental!

2007-08-21T14:14:00.000-04:00

Our nanny, Clare, started last week. I have some trouble with effective management, and this is a new employee situation that I struggle with what the dynamic should be like. I mentioned to her that I want her to read to Clyde, and showed her the books. A couple of days passed with no reading (I've been here observing them, but kind of from a distance, and leaving for a few hours at a time), and I was feeling bummed and didn't know how to say, "You MUST read to her," without sounding like a dictator, and I do have trouble with direct communication, and sugar coating things.

After discussing with Ingrid, this morning, I said to Clare, "I know I said this before, but it bears repeating because it's so important to us. We want Clyde to be a good reader and to love reading, so I want you to try to read her at least a book a day." (Keep in mind her books take about 45 seconds to read.) "And I need to know you are doing this when I'm not here, so I'd like you to try to read to her today and tomorrow while I'm here so I can visualize you doing it and not have to worry about it."

This afternoon, she read her two books and is down on the floor, and Clyde is smiling a ton, in response.

For what it's worth...

Clyde Separation Anxiety

2007-08-17T16:58:00.000-04:00

So Clare, the nanny, started part time yesterday. So far, so good. She came for a few hours yesterday morning, until about 1, and it worked out OK. After she left, I tried to get Clyde to sleep in her crib--which she has been avoiding, as it is too big or uncomfortable or scary or something--and finally, she took a FOUR-HOUR nap in her crib. I worried she wouldn't sleep at night then, but she did, fine. We watched Carnal Knowledge, a great old Mike Nichols movie with classic Jack Nicholson and amazing Candice Bergen and Ann-Margret, and Clyde fell asleep partway through that, and only woke up once to feed before 6 am.

Today Clare came and I went to the gym. First spin class since delivery, and it was really good. It felt good to finally have a strenuous workout (this was after doing a half hour of Namaste yoga on Fit TV with Clyde--I put her on a blanket near my yoga mat and I kiss her and do poses over the top of her and talk to her throughout).

When I got back, Clare wanted to take Clyde for a walk in her stroller, to check out where the nearby parks are in the area. In my head, I was like, "That's what I do! Not someone else!" She said they'd be gone about an hour. After that hour, I started looking out the window every 2 minutes. I started getting anxious. I wondered if I should call and check in on them but I want to exhibit trust in Clare and let them have some independent time to get to know each other. So I didn't call. After about an hour and a half, I started getting nervous and finally, Clare called me. They were at a park a few blocks away, and under a tree it was breezy and Clyde was napping. Clare said they wanted to stay out just a bit longer and I said fine.

But I missed Clyde. Bad. So I walked over to the park. Not to check on Clare but to visit Clyde and make sure they were doing OK. I was getting so sad and anxious. But didn't want to seem controlling or panicky. I got to the park, and they were fine, looking very peaceful, under a tree, and Clyde was sleeping, Clare, watching the birds.

I think the nanny will be loving and good with Clyde. But still, it doesn't make it any easier. Finally, I mopped the floors to keep my mind off my anxiety.

New Mommies Group

2007-08-13T15:08:00.000-04:00

I went to a new mommies group in Park Slope, that Ingrid found for us online. I've met two women whom I really like, Laura, who is a mother of three (a 4 and 2-y.o. and now newborn Naomi, Clyde's friend). Ing and I couldn't figure out why Laura would be at a new moms group if she already knows how to be a mom, x 3. So I flat-out asked her, and she said she likes meeting new moms with kids the same age as her kids, and that all her friends with newborns had boys and she wants some girl babies to get to know Naomi. Cute!

Then there's Jessica from Entertainment Weekly, a TV writer and humorist/personality at the mag. I like her the most. I've decided she's going to be my new best friend. She invited Ingrid, Clyde and me over to watch DVDs of the fall pilots at her apartment. Holla! I am excited to be making new mom friends who live in the neighborhood, and who get free DVDs!

We hired a nanny. I am sad about having to start training her, as it means less time with just Liz and Clyde alone together. But I feel good about the nanny.

I saw my OB for my follow-up visit, and everything is in order, and my vagina is back to its normal self again. I guess. Who would know??? The doc says usually women don't start trying to get pregnant again until they start menstruating regularly again, and that doesn't usually happen until you stop breastfeeding. So we'll see what happens in the next few months, in re: # 2!

SuperOva is trying to get back to blogging...

2007-08-13T15:05:00.000-04:00

Was talking to my friend (Uncle) Nick this weekend, and he encouraged me to start blogging again. I told him I've been hesitant because I don't want to do just a baby book online, and that I'm not sure how to get back to blogging in ways that are meaningful for me, without being like, "Clyde smiled today. Clyde pooped again. Clyde is crying."

So I'm just jumping in, writing about stuff that's on my mind, as a new parent.

I was at Bloomingdale's the other day and a middle-aged woman came up and was ogling Clyde. She looked closely at her, then closely at me, then back at Clyde.

"She looks like her father," she said.

Me: "Something like that."

Damn it! Where was my sense of wit? I should have said, "Actually, she looks like her other mommy. Or at least that's what we asked for at the sperm bank."

Clyde is 8 wks today

2007-07-28T18:29:00.000-04:00

Ahhh, too much has happened to be able to record it all, but I'll summarize. We are at the Jersey Shore for two weeks with Ing's mom, Mama Tita. I was worried about how Ing's family would react once the baby was born, but the event seems to have passed with flying colors.

Last night, I was demonstrating some goofy song that I made up for Clyde, and I.S., who hasn't hugged or held Clyde at all, said, "Liz. What is that ruckus you are teaching my darling granddaughter?" He called her his granddaughter! That's a first. I was pretty thrilled.

Then, today, we got a note in the mail from Great Grandma Eberly, who I feared would never acknowledge Baby Clyde has her granddaughter. She wrote her a letter thanking her Moms for their thank-you note, and saying how she admired the pictures of her, and letting her know that it was hard work being a supermodel! The note was addressed to Clyde E. Eberly. I had tears in my eyes reading it. That one's going into her scrapbook, from Gma Lynn.

We're having a good two weeks. I love you, Clyde.

Duffy, if you are reading, good luck with the c-section in two weeks!

Oh, the people next door to the Eberlys down here at the Shore, who are from Pittsburgh, have a daughter my age who has two kids, 6 and 7. She told me she was in the best shape of her life, ripped and only 15% bodyfat, 3 months after her last child. She said she did an hour and a half of precor machine and hour of yoga a day and that did it. How the hell, I wondered, did she find the time to do that without a nanny? I'm still pondering that one. As I'm still wondering how the 15 extra baby lbs on me are going to disappear if I eat ice cream after every meal....

Random Thoughts on Motherhood

2007-07-12T14:39:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I've blogged. Haven't had time because too busy uploading photos of baby Clyde, breastfeeding 24/7, and getting spit up/pooped/peed on, and quelling crying.

We were at the Jersey Shore for ten days for the 4th. Ingrid took the week off and it was A GODSEND. It was so nice not to have to be the only one taking care of Clyde from 8 to 6. It's nonstop, and kind of exhausting. She still sleeps a lot but is awake a lot more too, and that means more crying. During that ten days, I ate ice cream and cookies and drank martinis every day and GAINED FOUR LBS during that time. I thought breastfeeding was supposed to burn tons of calories? Apparently not if you eat like a horse. I got back and have been going to the gym every day while my mom watches Clyde, and have lost those four lbs but still have 15 to go for prepregnancy weight.

At the gym the other day, this lesbian trainer yelled at me for working out too soon postpartum. She said you have to wait six weeks. I thought I knew my body well enough to work out. She told me to lay off the heavy Cybex machines and take it easy, or I could get injured and not be able to work out for three months.

At the shore, I got yelled at for drinking while breastfeeding. Clarification: not drinking WHILE breastfeeding at the same time, but drinking while I am in general nursing. Clarification: I usually wait until around 6 or 7 when Clyde has a really good feed and then I have a drink when I know I have a two or three hour window before she eats again. And then I eat a bunch of food (see above paragraphs) to counterbalance the alcohol. Being a new mother is just one barrage of criticism after another.

My lesbian friend Jodi's good friend (a former lesbian, or maybe a bisexual?) is now six months pregnant with her old boyfriend from 10 years ago. Congratulations! This entry is for her.

New motherhood is a shift. Clyde is a pretty good baby, but she still cries a decent amount and sometimes you don't know why. People on the street stare and point at me if she's in her stroller screaming. I'm like, she's been fed, she's got a dry diaper and we're very close to home--there's nothing I can do about it except to snuggle her when we get home. But people say to me, "Your baby is crying." Gee, thanks, that's something I hadn't noticed.

It's very physical, taking care of a baby. When you're used to working in an office, and being intellectually and professionally stimulated every day, and then you're home and beholden to a tiny creature who cannot speak or even necessarily see you, it's a trip. It's a different world. It's hard, and thankless. But amazing, too. I find myself sing-songing everything, and can go a day without talking to anyone else. It's a bit crazy-making.

Breastfeeding is amazing. And all consuming. Clyde sometimes wants to be nursed once an hour. Sometimes it's the only thing that'll calm her down.

But even when she's screaming bloody murder, as my mother says, she's so gosh-darn cute that it's hard to be frustrated. And it does stop, eventually. (The crying, not the cuteness.)

Every day she develops more. Now she is looking up at the sheep mobile over her changing table. It's fun. She smiles for Grandpa Fred, my stepdad, and he is proud. I love that.

More soon.... Jodi's friend, I'm not naming you, to protect your identity (for the four people who read this!), but I'm thrilled for you! Congrats again! love, Liz

A Hard Day's Night

2007-06-25T09:55:00.000-04:00

Last night was our first Bad Night. We've been putting Clyde down to sleep around 8 or 8:30, then I wake her up around 10 or 10:30 to breastfeed, and she sleeps better after that. She woke up around 1:30 and wouldn't go back to sleep for TWO HOURS. It was tough. She was soothed when we held/jiggled her, but she'd scream and cry if we put her back in her bed. It was very trying; we were all really tired and losing our patience. It was the first time I thought, 'I don't know how to do this.' I didn't cry because I was too tired to be that cognizant, but I was certainly crying inside.

This morning, though, as Clyde slept, she truly looked like an angel. I've been calling her An Angel from Heaven---God, that's cheesy, but that's what she looks like, I swear!! And it's hard to be mad at an angel.

So that's where we are this morning. Hoping that that phase passes sooner than later. We watched this great DVD: The Happiest Baby on the Block, that our friends who have an 11-week old, loaned us. It has tips for soothing an upset baby. The doctor who narrates it has five S's: Swaddling; Side/Stomach Lying; Swinging; Suckling; and Shaking (jiggling, not Shaken Baby Shaking). Those tips have been tremendously helpful but sometimes she cries inconsolably anyway, and we don't know what to do about it. She now cries about an hour or an hour and a half during a 24-hour period, which I guess, could be worse.

PS My high school friend Juliet had a baby two weeks after we did. Welcome, Else! (This is the fourth daughter born in six months' time to me and my three close high school friends, Kurt, Shana and now Juliet.) Mazel tov!

Advice from Great Grandma

2007-06-20T12:08:00.000-04:00

My mom called this morning. She talked to my Ba Ngoai (maternal grandmother) and said Ba Ngoai was so excited about Baby Clyde. She said Ba couldn't sleep the night I went into the hospital because she was so excited. She also told my mom to pass on some advice to me about baby-raising (Ba had eight children!). Here's my favorite bit:

--If her poop is green, that's good. But if it's too green, lay off the salads. (!)

We are preparing the documents we need for the second-parent adoption, so Ingrid can adopt Clyde. It's sort of interesting, all the stuff we need. Also a hassle. I try not to get bitter about the fact that if we were legally allowed to marry, Clyde would automatically be Ingrid's legal daughter.

Day 2 Alone with Baby Clyde

2007-06-20T11:32:00.000-04:00

We survived Day 2 alone together. We took the subway into Manhattan, which was a breeze during the day because there wasn't much traffic in the stations or on the trains. I took her in the infant carrier, that's like a backpack up against your body. She slept the whole ride, which was, to be fair, only two stops.

We met some friends at this great restaurant, BLT Fish Shack, around Union Square, for lunch. Had a lovely, leisurely lunch---oysters, lobster rolls, tuna steak BLTs, glass of Sancerre--while my friends held her the entire time. She seemed to love it. I breastfed at the restaurant, with a little napkin over her head. It worked out ok. (See attached pics of my friends holding and loving on Baby Clyde.)

We took the subway back, with a little more traffic but not bad, and she continued sleeping. Until we got home, and she was awake for two hours (longest time period yet!), some of it crying and trying to feed/soothe herself on the breast. She stopped crying when Ingrid got home (go figure).

Tita informed us that Tiger Woods and his wife, Elin, had a baby girl and named her Sam Alexis. Tita says, as usual, that we are on the cutting edge of names!

She is crying much more these days, but we are trying to soothe her in other ways besides just breastfeeding, and letting her cry a little bit. It's hard to hear that little cry but it reminds me that that's her only form of communication with us, and that crying is OK.

Tonight we go to a newborn care class at this baby center place. Details TK.

The Kindness of Strangers

2007-06-19T09:24:00.000-04:00

In case you are curious, Ingrid went back to work yesterday and Clyde and I survived our first day alone, and then some! It went kind of like this.

The night before (Sun) was a hard sleeping night; she woke up a ton to feed and cry, and not feed very efficiently. So Mon am was a tiring one. Ingrid left successfully for work. We had a pediatric appt at 10:30. It was a pretty (well, pretty hot) day and I wanted to walk to the doctor's office, about a half hour brisk walk.

I practiced opening and closing the stroller; not an intuitive thing, surprisingly. I put the stroller downstairs in front of the house. I locked up and brought Clyde downstairs in my arms and locked the door behind me, with the diaper bag on one shoulder. I realized she was sitting straight up, and I didn't know how to adjust the angle on the seat to have her lying down part way (she's too little to sit up totally straight for that long), nor did I know how to fasten her into the harness.

It was hot outside. I was sweating. My milk was coming down, and I had circles developing on the front of my shirt where my nipples are. I didn't want to cry, because that didn't seem particularly helpful.

At just about the breaking point, this middle-aged Caribbean woman walked by, and noticed me struggling. She said, "Do you need help, sweetie? I do this for a living." She was a professional nanny, and she helped me lower the seat. It was a huge relief. Ah, the kindness of strangers.

The doctor's appt was great. Clyde has gained 2 lbs (!! FATTY!) since her birth, and gained an inch and a half in length. She is doing great with the breastfeeding and the doc says I can start pumping some milk if I want to have alternatives to always having her tethered to me, or to have Ing feed her a bottle.

We walked back home, had some lunch, then walked the other direction for half an hour and visited my friend Alex, who has a 3-month-old. Clyde had a crying jag at Alex's apt, and another on the way home, and then another before Ing got home. She wouldn't nap when I wanted to, so we didn't have our nap together.

BUT, she did feed well last night, so she only woke up about every three hours last night, and had good feeds when she did wake up, so we are pretty rested today.

And now it starts all over again! Going to the post office to mail the birth announcements and then lunch with some friends. Hopefully neither Clyde nor Liz will melt down today....

This morning, I went to the gym and walked briskly for a mile on the treadmill. Feeling better every day.

Clyde at 2 Weeks

2007-06-14T18:31:00.000-04:00

The sleeping has definitely gotten a little harder in the last two nights. She's not a bad cryer, and she's up about three or four times in a night, but she's up for longer periods than she was initially, and she'll act hungry, but literally feed for like a minute or two then just twitch her head around and murmur and coo and whine. We're more tired now, but it's not unmanageable. My friend Kurt says it might be because she came two weeks early, and she might just be entering her true newborn sleeping phase now.

On another note, though, I'm convinced Clyde is already advanced for her age! She's not yet two weeks but she is already holding up her own head more, and is awake for longer during the day, and yikes!--today, she noticed the toys on her vibrating chair for the first time that I could see. So I brought out some of her toys and we played with them together, and she seemed to notice the objects around her--a new developmental signpost!

Meanwhile, I'm getting ready for my new homelife during the day. At every outing, we seem to run into a friend or acquaintance in the nabe, usually a stay-at-home mom: Alexa, Rhonda, etc. It has been so fun! My friend Julie's friend Mandy had a baby about six weeks before we did, and her name is Charlie. Charlie and Clyde need to become friends!

A Hard Day's Night

2007-06-12T17:50:00.000-04:00

Last night was the first hard(er) night with Clyde. She didn't cry but she moaned and fussed a little bit, waking up about every hour or two hours. She seemed to be hungry but then wouldn't drink for more than a few seconds--so every wakeup call felt kind of futile. Every day is a process. But she's been so good during the day. Today I went for a massage--my back muscles are really tense from the breastfeeding holds--and Ingy and Clyde walked around the neighborhood, and the three of us met up at Jolie for a lunch and a beer. I was worried that Clyde would need fed during my massage but she was OK.

Sometimes early in the morning, before Clyde wakes up, I start to miss her, and I bring her into our bed and just look at her and stroke her little hairs on her head. It's so weird! Ingrid continues to be amazing and supportive and changes almost every diaper.

But Clyde is, for the most part, very easy still. She's had a ton of visitors. Our friend Julie came over last night, and we keep running into friends on the street with kids, who are meeting Clyde and very excited. She has now been to Jolie twice, to Prospect Park once, to Smith Street in Brooklyn, to 5th Avenue in Brooklyn, and to the stores on Atlantic Avenue numerous times. Ingrid and I are kind of treating this week as our vacation, and trying to do one little outing with her per day.

Brooklyn Family Pride

2007-06-10T08:06:00.000-04:00

Clyde has had two major events now: Friday night, we went out to dinner at our favorite restaurant, Jolie, with my mom and our friend Nina who is 20 weeks pregnant. Clyde slept the ENTIRE time; it was great! I had raw fish and a gin martini, and Clyde wasn't up until FOUR hours later.

Yesterday, we put her in our big stroller, the Inglesina Zippy, and walked to Prospect Park for Brooklyn Gay and Lesbian Pride Day (a much smaller event than its Manhattan counterpart, but sort of sweet nonetheless). They had a Kid Space, where there were a bunch of families and little kids... babies, toddlers, older kids, with face painting, puppets, live music, etc.

Clyde was also great. She slept through the music but we did change our first diaper outside of the house (in the park) and I breastfed her in the park--it was pretty seamless. She got a bit fussy on the walk home (to be fair, the entire walk was about four miles) but only for about the last three blocks because she was hungry. We were exhausted after that walk though, and we all took our family nap together around 3. (That's a new ritual, and one that I love).

The sleeping is getting better. Clyde slept entirely in her bassinet the last two nights. The waking up has been more stable the last two nights too: she's waking up about every two or two and a half hours, so we can really get a good chunk of sleep before having to wake up to feed again. Thus far, it's been manageable, and I'm not feeling too depleted. Ingrid has next week to work from home as well, but goes back to work full time on June 18--I'm terrified about that Monday, but we'll take it day by day.

Ingrid started a photo website, Clyde Pride, to see more Clyde. Enjoy!

39 Weeks

2007-06-09T09:43:00.000-04:00

Unbelievable that Clyde wasn't even due to be born until next Friday, and now she's a week old. Here are pics of me, one week after labor.

Clyde has been an amazing baby so far. Yesterday, she had her first pediatric appointment, and the doctor said she is perfect. (That's what she said, I swear.) Her color and weight and length are good. This morning her umbilical stump fell off. She is growing up way too fast!

Grandma Van spent the week holding Clyde while she slept, while Grandma Tita came, looked at her, and tickled her foot and said, "Doodley do." We pretty much forced Grandma Tita to hold the baby.

Sleeping with a Newborn

2007-06-07T17:40:00.000-04:00

We've also been very lucky in this regard. Does this mean, karmatically, we are going to run out of luck and soon something bad is going to happen. Let's hope not. Clyde sleeps decently at night. She sleeps all day, save for about two hours, and at night, she wakes up about four times to breastfeed.

We're torn about her sleeping. We have a Moses basket next to our bed where she sleeps (thanks Liz and Jess!) but sometimes when she wakes up, she coos and fusses a bit, even if she isn't hungry or wet or soiled. When we put her in the bed with us, she loves it, and loves the human contact, the touch. So sometimes we fall asleep for an hour or two with her in the bed with us, and she LOVES IT. We are worried because of everything we've heard negatively about cosleeping, and we don't necessarily want to cosleep, but I guess we'll ask the pediatrician about it when we see her tomorrow. It's just hard to look at that little baby all awake and wide-eyed, and know that she wants to have human contact, and not just snuggle her. So we do. Any thoughts on that?

Breastfeeding. First Reactions

2007-06-07T17:36:00.000-04:00

I have been SO lucky. I haven't needed the breast whisperer. Since Clyde was born, she latched on to my nipples right away. (In addition to an amazing cervix and pelvis, evidently, according to the breastfeeding consultant at NYU, I also have amazing nipples. Don't worry. I'm not posting any pictures.) She's eating well, the only problem is, she'll eat for maybe five or ten minutes and then fall asleep, and want to eat again in just an hour or less. So it's not the most efficient yet. But no pain, no chapped nipples, no infections, not yet anyway. I've been SUPER lucky, I know.

Recovery

2007-06-07T17:30:00.001-04:00

So Clyde Elizabeth Eberly was born June 2 at 5:14 p.m., weighing 6 lb. 7 oz, and measuring 20 inches. That's pretty skinny and long. We think she's already bound to be a supe, except oops, she has my genes, so probably not. She is amazing and advanced and beautiful already. We are super biased.

The whole experience at NYU Hospital was AH MAY ZING. We loved all of our nurses, and I had a great experience with labor and delivery, and as well with recovery. It really was as good as it possibly could have been. Since I've been home, I'm resting, and going to the bathroom is a bit of an ordeal (I had a minor perineal tear, and I had some hemorrhoids from pushing, so I have this spray bottle that I have to wash with, and I have to wear these maternity sanitary pads. It's HOT.), but for the most part, I am doing amazingly well and feeling great and full of energy. Had first walk Tuesday, four blocks. Yesterday, 8 blocks to Target. Today, two times to Target, once by myself with Clyde. That was an adventure. Life with a newborn is very different. We've been holed up in the womb of our house, and outside it's summer, and we live in the 'hood, and so everyone is screaming and there's tons of sirens and traffic and people cursing, and it's just chaotic outside. Thank goodness it hasn't been too hot so we can leave the windows open and just enjoy the inside of the house.

Labor, Part Two

2007-06-04T18:47:00.000-04:00

Hi again all--i apologize if I missed you on the first part of this email, but here's the labor wrapup.

Part one was long and uneventful. 26 hrs in the hospital. Around 1 pm, after pre-laboring on a very pleasant epidural for about 3 hrs, progress: my water bag released. It felt amazing and reliecing and freeing.

The ob resident came back and checked my cervix--she poked around a bit and opened me up a little more. 4 cm. Active labor, finally.

Dr deborah gahr, the ob on duty from our practice, soho ob-gyn, arrived around 2. She said it's great that your water broke naturally--i was about to do it manually for you.
She started increasing the pitocin and the contractions started getting pretty intense and frequent. One of the labor nurses asked if I wanted the epi dosage increased. I sort of did, but was managing ok--the epi doesn't erase the pain, but rather dulls it and takes the edge off.

Next thing I know, dr gahr comes in and says, "let's check the dilation." She did, and told me I have an "amazing cervix and pelvis!" (We all know I'm gonna get some mileage out of that) and that btw 2 and 4 pm, I have become fully dilated-10 cm--and it's time to push! They turn off the epidurqal at that point to allow you to feel the pushing, but the meds are still helping block the pain big-time. I started getting nervous. I was sweaty and cold and my teeth were chattering. Ing said, "baby, you are in the home stretch--you can DO this."

So at 445 pm we start pushing. As each contraction started, I have 2 labor nurses, ing, and dr. Gahr holding me. (My mom has been here since 11 am but left the birthing room bc she's squeamish.) We push sitting up, legs in stirrups. They say, don't focus energy in your chest, arms, face, neck, but really try to poo--to bear down on the rectum. We did about 3 pushes per contraction. Good progress first time--we could see the head! She has hair--lite brown!

Next couple pushes were harder--i was tensing my neck and face, and no progress. We tried using the push bar on the bed, but no progress. Dr. Gahr suggested putting her fingers in my vagina, and me pushing back against them. She's a genius--it worked, and after 25 mins of pushing, tiny slithered out! I saw it all on this big mirror--incredible! Ing was in tears, and saying how amazing it is that our daughter has arrived. Ing cut the cord--i love that. They put tiny, all gooey and crying, in my arms. She quieted down and was just looking all over her new world. Ing held her while I got stitched up--my perineum tore a teeny bit--i guess the massaging helped! Then they put her back in my arms, and we tried to get her to breastfeed, and she took the nipple--for about 20 mins, both sides!

Pretty incredible that the pushing her out did not even really hurt--i didn't feel the "ring of fire" at all, actually.

So I'm trying to get some sleep now--here at nyu--and ing had to go hm--we couldn't get a private room and partners can't stay in the semi-privates. But I'm alone in the delivery room, waiting for a bed to open up upstairs in recovery. I had a good hour of sleep, and am gonna try again now. Tiny is in the nursery here. If she needs fed, they bring her to me.

That's about it--im thrilled and stunned and blessed. Can't wait for you all to meet her. Still working on the names...

Love again to all.

Labor, Part One

2007-06-04T18:45:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone--aint technology great? I'm emailing you from my blackberry in the hospital bed.

I'm including everyone awaiting Tiny, and those who have been reading my blog. Since I am not blogging now, consider this my 38 wks entry. Will update when I can.

First off, I talked a big game about natural childbirth for months. I hope you can all forgive that I just got done getting the epidural--the spinal medication that really takes the edge off. I tried, guys, I really did.

I have been here at the hospital for 24 hrs. I had my 38-wk checkup yesterday am, and my amniotic fluid levels were low--not good for the fetus. So dr. Dodson said, "go directly to nyu, do not go home to get your bag, do not pass go--you're having this baby today or tmrw." After 3 hrs in triage/checkin, I got a drug called cytotec at 2 pm yesterday. It's prostaglandin, which softens and thins the cervix, aiming to cause dilation (opening, which must happen to pass the baby through). The doc on duty checked my cervix 4 hrs later, and basically no progress. They checked me again around 10, still no progress.

So at midnight, they started me on an iv drip of pitocin, a drug that stimulates more frequent contractions, which should help labor progress also. For the next nine hours, contractions did get stronger and more frequent. I breathed very well, the nurses say, and I have to say, all my yoga helped with that. Ingrid has been amazing--giving me verbal affirmation, kisses, massaged my legs and neck, she's been amazing. Luckily, she was able to sleep during the hrs btw 11 and 6 am. As was I, to some degree.

Then at 10 am, I got another vaginal exam. I'm still only 2 cm dilated (10 is fully dilated, and 4 cm is "active labor." So I'm not even in active labor yet, after all this time. It really is hurry up and wait.

SO at around 9, the contractions had gotten more intense, and I feared that I could be here another 12 hours, easily. And the pain was getting more intense--so I called it. Two anestheseologists came in, and they put a needle in my spine to numb the area, then they inserted the catheter that the pain meds are delivered through. The catheter insertion, combined with intense contractions, caused me to sweat and brought tears to my eyes. It hurt. 6 on a scale of 1 to 10.

The epidural was a good decision ultimately. I still feel the contractions, but for less duration and intensity. But I am immensely more comfortable. And still not progressing! Well, the baby's head is down in my pelvis, and my cervix is softening a bit, which is good. But we've got a long day ahead.

Good news is, the entire staff at NYU has been just amazing. I was skeptical but have been so positively surprised. We're on our third labor nurse, and love them all. Andrea was a lesbian who was a hoot and very affirming and lives in brooklyn and is getting married next year in s africa, where gay marriage is legal. Next was Bell, a nurse who just got her midwife degree--also very loving and affirming. Now, Georgette, an older lady who is also very nice and sort of sassy, is looking after us. Plus we have some ob residents doing the vaginal exams, and they've been super helpful as well.

So that's the rub. Honestly, we are doing fine, but hurrying up and waiting. Thanks for the love, everyone!

38 Weeks

2007-05-31T18:06:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone! Two weeks left til my due date! Today at my yoga class, my (new) teacher called me out, and said, "Isn't she amazing?" I guess because I'm still exercising at 2 weeks from my due date. I told her yoga was what had gotten me through my pregnancy, in fact!

I'm thinking about Lindsay Lohan and sending positive vibes that she gets it together. But can we talk about how she reportedly called her BFF Samantha Ronson a "fucking lesbian!" That reeks of a relationship that turns sexual when they're coked up and drunk. Linds, it's OK. Samantha Ronson IS cool. And cute. And if you're dealing with some internal homophobia, well, we've all been there.

Braxton Hicks contractions

2007-05-30T19:03:00.000-04:00

So, this week we're at 38 weeks, and I believe I had my first early contractions last night. I walked about 30 blocks in the morning and lifted weights at lunch, and while we were watching our Netflix, I felt these sharp jolts of discomfort from my lower pelvis through my vagina. They continued on and off for about an hour, and they weren't painful, exactly, but jarring. They sort of stopped my breath altogether. Jen, my work friend, says this is probably the beginning of my cervix opening up. I guess we'll find out on Friday, at my next visit.

37 Wks, at the Beach

2007-05-29T16:12:00.000-04:00

We went to Stone Harbor for Memorial Day weekend. Had great weather. I got a lot of gawking looks on the beach--some scared, some supportive. One woman said, "You look ADORABLE!" over and over again.

Still not dilated at all, says Dr. D, and practicing my perineal massage every day, for at least a minute at a time.

Am inheriting a breast pump from Liz's friend Sue, who loaned it to her friend who is a VP in investment banking at JP Morgan. I am sending a messenger to have it picked up tomorrow from her doorman. Is that NYC, or what?

A Lesbian Shower

2007-05-24T18:22:00.000-04:00

Our friends Liz and Jessica threw us a surprise lesbian shower! Jess' and Liz's friends from Jess' basketball team, this fun group of lesbians, all came to Liz and Jess' beautiful backyard in Manhattan to shower us. They all brought gifts, and Jess created some really funny games: we played Pin the Sperm on the Vaginal Canal. Jess and her friends cut out celebrity men's faces and glued them to sperm tails. Then they created a poster with pics of Ingrid and me, with text that read "Who's Your Daddy?" and a little circle at the bottom of the poster. We were each blindfolded and spun around, and we had to pin a celebrity sperm on the poster, and whomever got closest to the hole (the vaginal canal) wins the prize. The celebrity who won was David Hasselhoff! Jessica also made a pinata shaped like a belly that we all hit at with a juggling pin. We had a great time that day and got some really cute new presents, including a onesie that says "Nobody puts Baby in the corner." Thanks, Liz and Jess!

36 Wks Pictures

2007-05-19T09:01:00.000-04:00

To the random pregnant woman who posted on my blog, who is also a patient of Dr. Dodson and Margano, thank you! Good luck with your pregnancy and your delivery! Do you live in Brooklyn, and can we have play dates?

Last night I guess I had anxiety dreams. I dreamt that Melissa, who is going to replace me on maternity leave, was also pregnant. We were in a big Jeep together with some other pregnant women, all patients of Dr. Dodson, who was driving us, and our lab tests, somewhere for processing. I asked Dodson when Melissa is due, and she said, sometime in July. I freaked out cuz that meant Melissa wouldn't be able to do my maternity leave. I started thinking about other options, and then I woke up. Melissa isn't really pregnant. I don't think Dodson has a jeep. Ingrid thinks I have Mommy issues with Dodson, that I want her approval/want her to like me. That's probably true.

36 Week Doctor Visit

2007-05-16T17:11:00.000-04:00

Well, we are officially at NINE MONTHS of pregnancy! Saw Dr. Dodson today, and we got hooked up to a fetal monitor to test the baby's heartrate and movement, which were both good. We got a sonogram, to test the levels of amniotic fluid, which were good. The sonographer says the baby's head is down, and she's facing my back, which is the right position for a vaginal birth. So we're getting there! Dodson also did a cervical exam and says my cervix is still closed, which means I am not at all dilated and not close to labor yet. She also told me that she thinks I should stay closer to home than the Jersey Shore after Memorial Day, in case I go into early labor. That means no Jersey Shore the weekends btw June 1 and June 15--I'm bummed. Stuck in the city! Not so bad though.

We saw the movie Waitress over the weekend and loved it. It's about a woman who gets pregnant and is very conflicted about it, and is very lonely. See it.

What Is Perineal Massage?

2007-05-14T16:15:00.000-04:00

Ok. My mother-in-law and mother both will be horrified by this entry. It's kinda Our Bodies, Ourselves. Basically, I've heard about perineal massage from different doulas, and from our childbirth educator (also a doula), and I just last night read about it in a book Duffy loaned me, called Hypnobirthing. This book is like super hippie-dippie, but I kind of like it. (Thanks Duffy!) The book is about how to visualize and breathe through your pain, using self-hypnosis techniques.

So, perineal massage (http://www.childbirth.org/articles/massage.html) is basically when you or a partner stick their fingers into your perineum--the area between your vagina and your anus--to stretch and massage that tight skin, in order to help relax/open it more to make the pushing out of the fetus easier. Everyone who is doula-minded or natural-childbirth-minded at all recommends doing this. I forgot all about it until I read it last night. I was very sore in the hips so I took a bath and read the hypnobirthing book and was reminded of the perineal massage. So I got out some oil and lubed up my thumbs and put them inside the bottom of my vagina. Far from being pleasurable, as I thought it might be, it was uncomfortable--WAY uncomfortable. All the books and the doulas say that it gets easier as the skin stretches. I did it this morning again, and lo and behold, it was easier!

Will report back in a month as to whether this helped or not....

35 Weeks

2007-05-11T09:28:00.000-04:00

Are my boobs starting to really sag? This picture might not be very lovely, but here it is, people! I've gained 26 lbs, which Dr. Dodson says is a good gain, and I'm measuring just right in terms of belly circumference.

Meanwhile, our tenant has new leaks in her apartment after last night's rains. Brilliant. Don't buy a brownstone, people.

The Breast Whisperer

2007-05-10T19:58:00.000-04:00

A woman who freelances for Little Brown Book, the magazine I edit, had a baby about four months ago. I talked to her for the first time today and she told me in no uncertain terms that breastfeeding is hell. She said her baby didn't latch on, and when he did, it was only on one side, and the other nipple was cracked and bleeding, and that at times her baby was spitting up blood. She said she's had friends for whom it was really easy, but that it was so tough for her. She and her husband hired a lactation consultant who came to their apartment, and they call her "The Breast Whisperer." She saved their sanity. She gave me her contact info, just in case.

Ignorant Comment of the Day

2007-05-10T19:02:00.000-04:00

So this was a good one. I saw a man who works in my building, who has always been very friendly with me, on the way out today. He saw me, and he said, "Wow! Congratulations!" I guess I haven't seen him since I've been showing. He said, "I didn't know you were married."

"I'm not," I said, confused. "I'm partnered," I quickly said. "But last I checked, you don't have to be married to have a baby."

He was obviously flummoxed and didn't know what to say. I tried to make the moment less awkward, by saying, "You really meant to say that you thought I was too young to be a mom, right?" And he said, "No, I just didn't see a ring."

"Wow, you're old school," I said. I wasn't hostile, but really wanted to say, "Last I checked, this was the year 2007. Not sure what planet you're living on, but welcome to this one."

Meanwhile, I thought I saw Michelle Williams on the walk home; she lives in the nabe. I have seen this woman before, and if it isn't Michelle, it's her blonder, prettier (is that possible?) doppelganger. This one has a big fluffy Siberian husky-esque dog, and is skinny and beautiful. Michelle, where are you?

34 Weeks

2007-05-04T11:54:00.000-04:00

Eight and a half months! Ing says I'm getting big. A woman came up to me at the gym this week, after we were in spin class together, and said, "Excuse me, but I'm pregnant, 3 months, and I saw you, and I wanted to ask you about working out while pregnant because I don't know anyone pregnant who works out." HUH? I told her to check out Fit Pregnancy magazine, and babycenter.com and urbanbaby.com, and that there are tons of resources online about exercise and pregnancy. I told about my workout regimen during pregnancy and she seemed relieved, but totally lost. I was surprised.

These are some toys--and the cookie party favors Ilka got for our NYC shower--that are in the nursery right now. Beautiful stuffed animals from different local Brooklyn toy stores. This weekend is the last shower, in Stone Harbor. Finally, the weather is making it feel like spring. No rain and storms.

Childbirth Class at 33 Wks

2007-04-28T22:13:00.000-04:00

We went to our first class with Terry Richmond from BirthDay Presence--our childbirth educator who is a doula and has attended 175 births over the last five years. We really liked Terry and the first day of our class--very informative, mellow, and reassuring.

We learned about partner support of the laboring woman, through massage techniques, breathing, staying in the moment, using shower/baths, birthing balls (Auntie Ilka has a birthing ball she is going to give us that's down at the Shore), socks filled with uncooked rice that can be heated or cooled, moaning/making noise, and giving emotional support.

We talked about positioning during labor, and how that can help move the fetus to more labor-friendly positions, and back labor--which is when the baby isn't positioned in the front part of your abdomen, but around to the side, and when it's spine is facing your spine. Back labor can be hazardous because the fetus' limbs can get in the way of proper movement down the birth canal and can prevent a healthy vaginal birth, and can prompt an OB to encourage a laboring woman to have a C-section delivery.

We really learned all about what doulas do, which is provide emotional support--and butt massage--for their clients, and act as advocates for a laboring woman in the hospital, and try to defend the type of birth the woman or couple wants to have. We were happy to hear that Terry has worked with Drs. Flagg and Gahr from Spring OB-GYN before.

It was also really interesting that she said that a lot of women respond physically during labor the same ways they respond to sex, with rocking, moaning, noise, faces, etc. She also talked about "birth climax," which I guess is when a woman has an orgasm during a delivery--she said it's not supercommon with her clients, but that she has heard of it happening. I mentioned to her that Susie Bright the sex writer has said that childbirth is the most sexual experience she's ever had. (I've mentioned that to other women who've had babies, and they decidedly did not agree.)

Tomorrow we are going to learn more about medical interventions: epidurals, episiotomy, and how to approach your doctor about different medical issues that you may want to address before labor.

I felt great in the class. The teacher said I was in great shape for being 8 mos. along, and said I seemed very flexible and had very open hips and legs. So, so far, so good!

Cowgirl Crib

2007-04-27T16:52:00.000-04:00

Today it's 33 weeks, but I forgot the camera at work so no tummy pics--will post some on Monday.

This is from the NYC shower, where Fred, my mom, Tita, and Ing's sisters all came to town for it. Tita brought the crib and she and Dan and Bean installed it, and put the Dwell Baby cowgirl sheets on it. The nursery is coming together and is pretty damned cute!

Am feeling increasingly more stiff and less mobile and flexible with every day. Nights are worse. Baths help. Am heading to get a massage right now; hopefully that will provide some relief.

Are taking our childbirthing class this weekend at the Prenatal Yoga Center on the Upper West Side. Am excited for the additional education. I've been reading a lot too about birthing (thanks, Duffy, for the great books!! The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth, and Birthing From Within.) and am excited. 8 hours! Wish us luck...

32 Wks = Eight Months!

2007-04-20T12:23:00.000-04:00

Whoo hoo! We've made it eight months! Yesterday, a woman in my spin class told me that if she ever gets pregnant, she aspires to be me. (I think she was referring to working out at 8 months.)

Aunt Peggy from France was in town last night, and brought us beautiful French baby clothes, including these too-insane Christian Lacroix tights, that say "Christian Lacroix" on the bum. Ingrid said, referring to Tiny, "The bitch is going to be more stylish than we are!" Tiny, we love you!

My mom, who is also in town, met us for dinner, and saw me walking up the street, waddling. I guess I am waddling now. It's hard though! My mom only gained 17 lbs during her pregnancy, and she had to be taken off of lab work, and seated at a desk in the second trimester. Anemia and low blood pressure runs in the family, I guess?

Our NYC shower is Sunday. Hopefully we can fit everyone--and everything in the house. All the Eberly women will be there, plus my mom and Fred, and hopefully most of our friends. Thanks in advance, everyone. Fresh direct, may you show up on time on Sunday am.

31 Weeks & the San Diego Shower & a Scary Flight

2007-04-18T15:47:00.000-04:00

I have to get caught up. I'm actually almost at 32 weeks, but we were away last weekend and I didn't get to blog at all.

Yesterday at the gym, a woman saw me naked and said, "You look like you're about to give birth TOMORROW." I said, "Hopefully not, since I have two months left to go." Then she told me I looked great. Do people not understand that telling a woman she looks 10 mos. pregnant is not a compliment?

We flew home from our San Diego shower Sunday night, into NYC flash floods. The last half hour of the flight was extremely turbulent and there was zero visibility outside. Both Ingrid and I were scared, but wouldn't say it aloud. We held hands, tightly, and Ingrid shut the windowshade, after she told me it was totally white outside, and that the plane was zigzagging. People around us were throwing up. I was starting to perspire, and we were both nauseous. I prayed. Literally. I said, "God, or whomever you are up there, if this is our time, I'm so sorry, because I forgot to fill out my organ donor thing on my driver's license." We landed ok, and everyone applauded. The flight attendant said, "After that incredible landing, welcome to New York City."

Our San Diego trip was so lovely. We did a few couple-mile-long walks down to the beach in Del Mar, and the weather was perfection. My mom treated us to manis and pedis and it really felt like our wedding day. We had dinner for the shower at Pacifica Breeze, the place my mom and I always have breakfast together in the middle of our four-mile walks down to the beach in Del Mar. The service was great. Almost my whole family from OC and San Fran were there. My grandma was beautiful. She talked with Ingrid, and said, "I am very worried about how your family is taking the news." Ing told her that the fam loves me. Grandma later said to me, "I am very happy for you and Ingrid. When you are happy, I am happy." She also told everyone at the table (including her other sons and daughters) that I was her favorite granddaughter and how happy she was to be able to see another great-grandchild. I think my mom was pretty happy.

My mom's oldest work friends, who've known me since I was 12, were all there. My two closest junior high friends, Kurt and Shana, were there. (They've both had babies in the past four months.) I loved seeing them so much, even though Kurt pissed me off by telling me he didn't approve of the names we'd picked for the baby. (I vowed not to tell another person the name until she is born. Sorry, everyone who hasn't heard yet.) Wendy, a new friend who lives in LA whom we met at Costa Rica surf camp, was there, and it was SO great to see her.

In other news: Ing's sister Bean and her BF Dan got engaged! Congrats, Bean and Dan! Our friend Mikki says she is already busy writing the NYT Sunday Styles section's Vows column for them, about romance in the marsh.

Diane Keaton, and other nice people today

2007-04-10T15:10:00.000-04:00

Our friends Jim and Jeremy took us to the Lincoln Center Film Society's Gala Tribute to Diane Keaton, for her lifetime of work in film, last night. Liz Smith was sitting right in front of Ing, and Jeff Daniels, to her right. SI Newhouse was in front of me. Sarah Jessica Parker spoke first, and I decided I have a new-born crush on her. She was charming and self-effacing and her hair was... perfection!! (See the picture?) Other speakers were Woody Allen, Meryl Streep, Candice Bergen, Martin Short, Steve Martin and Lisa Kudrow. Everyone was pretty funny and loveable on stage. It was fun! Good NYC glamourous night.

Today on the subway, a man gave me his seat during rush hour. During my spin class, the guy next to me said, "Don't deliver in here!" I said I'd try not to, and he asked how far along I was, and I told him, and he said, "Good for you!" (For continuing to spin, I assume he meant.) Then in the locker room, a woman saw me naked and said, "You're still so beautiful!" It was a day of nice energy from strangers. I feel bad about calling the guy at Ingrid's building last night an asshole, when he wouldn't let me sit down on the stairs. (He, too, gave me a stool for a few minutes, so I felt bad about that for awhile.)

30 Weeks & The "After-Pee"

2007-04-06T11:41:00.000-04:00

Doesn't it look like Tiny is hanging a little bit to one side--my right side?

Superova has experiencedf a new fun side effect to pregnancy: urinary incontinence! Well, this isn't totally true. But my bladder gets really full, really fast, and sometimes it just hurts. An unfortunate corollary to this is that I've experienced something lovely that I'm calling the "after-pee." Sometimes when I pee and then wipe and am ready to get dressed again, I have to pee a little bit more. It's fun!

My stepbrother and his wife gave birth on Wednesday to Eliot! Welcome, Eliot!

Whitney Houston, and NYU Hospital

2007-04-05T19:42:00.000-04:00

Whitney Houston reportedly got sole custody of her daughter Bobbi Christina yesterday in court, when her soon-to-be ex Bobby Brown didn't even show up for the hearing. WTF?! Is this a scary story, the lesser of two evils?

The same day this was happening, Ingrid and I were at NYU's Tisch Hospital, where we are scheduled to deliver Tiny. We were getting a tour of the OB ward there. We saw the rooms where you deliver--pretty medical, pretty basic, pretty much what I expected. We were on this tour with about eight other couples. The nurse on duty who gave the tour was this funny middle-aged woman who made jokes throughout but was pretty straightforward and seemed like a person you'd like to have with you during labor, if you were to be assigned a stranger. There was one room where you deliver, with a small hospital bed, next to an area with a fetal monitor, and looked like a standard, if a bit small, hospital room. We learned you can bring in ipods and DVDs, but no radio or stereo setup that everyone can hear. They recommended you bring two nightgowns that you don't mind getting bloody and shitty, a hairband, chap stick, and cotton socks. The nurse said you can bring in a birthing ball but it must be deflated, so you'd have to bring the air pump too! (Tita, can we borrow the pump for the bike tires for a few months?) She said if you don't get the epidural you can walk around, but she said you shouldn't anticipate doing laps or anything--that you may want to walk from the bed to the side chair, etc.

After you give birth, they take the baby away from you for about five minutes, and put her on this little warming table right next to your bed (it reminded me of Tita's warming drawer at the shore house kitchen), and do her Apgar tests--those basic tests that judge her alertness, stimulation level, etc. And then they put her right on your breast, and you get to hang for a couple hours. Then they take her upstairs to get examined by a pediatrician and have her hearing tested and reflexes and stuff. That takes a couple hours, then you get to hang out for the next day or two, depending on when you deliver and when they need the rooms and stuff, I guess.

One of the women in our group, you could tell, was kind of like me--wanted less medical intervention than the standard, but had still agreed to deliver in the hospital. She had about a zillion questions, ranging from "do you have to do TK thing," to "do they have to take the baby away from you to do the tests," to "do they have to bathe the baby right after she's born?" The nurse was kind of like, "Um, I suppose," but let's just say that the NYU staff was very medicalized, and not interested in alternative therapies. Not that they were forbidding you from doing stuff that was more alternative, but they were kind of like, "We do what's right for the baby, and the baby determines everything about your labor." It was interesting; basically she was saying that the baby, even not yet born, totally determines your labor experience--her position, how fast she moves, etc.

After you give birth, they take you up to "recovery," where you can get a semi-private or a private room, and you rest and hang there, and practice breastfeeding, for between 24 and 48 hours if you do a vaginal delivery, 72 hours if you do a Caesarian.

We left the hospital more educated, which is good. It took about 20 minutes to walk there. I told everyone at our first shower that I was planning on walking to the hospital if I go into labor at work. They were like, "UH uh. We'll give you cab fare." But I was saying that movement is encouraged, and I hope to be still walking, but I guess we'll see...

Shoutout to Duffy, who is now about 14 weeks, I am guessing? Hope you are feeling well, and thanks so much for reading.

A nice woman found a seat for me on the crowded subway tonight, and said, "It is pretty disgusting that men won't get up for you. Stick your belly in their face." Do men not give a shit about women who are tired and off-balance?

NYU Hospital

2007-04-04T13:17:00.000-04:00

I'm not in labor yet--don't worry. Ing and I are going for a tour of the OB ward at NYU Hospital tonight. If weather clears up, I'm going to walk there, and clock it--that way I can anticipate for the actual labor day, how long the walk is from work! Everyone at the shower was HORRIFIED that I might walk to the hospital in labor! FYI: according to prenatal yoga standards, you are supposed to walk around, squat, be active as possible through the early contractions. I figure it will be a good distraction. Also I think I'll bring a book of Sudoko puzzles.

Another note: I am working on a book proposal about my journey as a pregnant lesbian. My friend Liz is helping me edit the proposal (thanks Liz!) and I am sure that anything that is ever published will embarrass my mother. So Mom, I apologize in advance. But as I said this weekend, "Wouldn't you rather me have a personality than be some shrinking violet?" I am sure your granddaugher will be horrified, too, as her life unfolds and her mom continues to embarrass her. Especially when she's a teenager.

Baby Shower Season has begun

2007-04-02T13:59:00.000-04:00

I am happy to report that we not only survived, but thrived, on our first two baby showers. The first was at Beverly Spitzer's house, cohosted with Sharon Duggan. The Spitzers and Duggans are old friends of the Eberlys from the tennis club. The shower was lovely. Bev has a beautiful home, with a grand deck overlooking the Susquehanna River. You could almost imagine living in Pennsylvania, being on that deck. It's amazing. Bev is a beautiful painter, and threw a really nice shower. Tons of food, and this gorgeous pink cake that I got to cut. Ingrid made a toast that brought tears to my eyes, about how lucky we are to have so much love and support in our lives. There were about 30 or 35 people there. Everyone kept remarking about how nice it would have been to have a female partner with a newborn, and how great it is that you get to choose what last name the baby will have.

That night the Eberlys took us (Ingrid, my mom, Bean and me) to dinner at the fancy Hershey Hotel, with the Spitzers and Duggans, to say thank you. IS ordered champagne at the end. It was a really cute night. I sat next to Tita and Frank Duggan, this urologist who is 67 and had a TON of questions about being a lesbian family, and was rather endearing with his curiosity. I answered everything honestly and he seemed really happy to be educated from my perspective. He couldn't imagine how it wouldn't have been hard to come out as a lesbian when I was 19, and I told him it actually was very easy. I was excited to be honest about who I was and who I loved.

The next day Katie, Ing's best friend from high school, threw us a shower at her house in Camp Hill, PA. About ten women from Ing's high school/junior high days showed up. It was fun to see them all, but JESSICA A, where were you? We were bummed we missed you. Everyone was so complimentary, saying I looked great and teeny and all of that, which did make me feel good--especially after I reviewed the pictures. I look like a house, with skinny arms and skinny legs!

I heard some great labor stories. Some natural childbirths, some fast, some slow, no horror stories. It was really quite encouraging. I am happy that we are doing a natural childbirth class this month.

We got seven huge bags of loot from the parties. Everyone was incredibly generous. We got tons of adorable clothing, onesies, etc., lots of books, and some toys and some bigger stuff too. We got our first baby doll, from Rusty, Katie's Mom, and some great little shoes and so much really precious clothing. (And yes, a lot of pink. Which I am ok with.) Ingrid sorted out all the clothing by size and age, and sorted it in our new Ikea shelving units. Thanks everyone! I bought $75 worth of thank you notes at Papyrus this morning, just for these gifters.

Most beautiful surprises of all: Tita had the 1907 crib restored, that IS II (Ing's Granddad), and IS III (Ing's dad), and all three girls slept in. She assembled it and propped it with this incredible stork that she'd had leftover from her buying days at the Biddle's store. I got almost weepy when I saw it; it really is fabulous. Thanks Tita! Also, my mom got us an enormous bag of the most beautiful clothes from France. And together, the Grandmas got us the beautiful, Swedish SVAN high chair that we coveted at Christian and Alexa's. Baby Tiny will be high-rollin, Eberly style.

29 Weeks

2007-03-30T10:28:00.000-04:00

My stepmom asked me the other day why Ingrid always cuts off my head in these pictures. Lynn, there are two reasons: 1) I don't look great or alive at 7:30 a.m., when we take these, and 2) We like to focus in on the tummy area to really see what has changed from week to week. That said, Ing took one of me, with my face, today, and in fact, it is ugly. Lynn, I'll send it to you privately to see.

Tired today. Going to yoga to try to revitalize. This morning had breakfast with my mom, who flew in for the Pennsylvania showers, that take place this weekend! Stay tuned for shower pictures!

PS Had a great dinner at Applewood (http://www.applewoodny.com/) in Park Slope last night. Ing had a DEEElicious fallen chocolate souffle--beYOND amazing. Yum. (Sorry everyone; on my Mac at work, where I'm posting right now, I can't embed links. Annoying!)

Rude People

2007-03-29T13:49:00.000-04:00

So, this woman I barely know from the workplace, sees me in the elevator yesterday. She looks at belly, says, "When are you due?"

"Mid-June," I reply.

"Wow. You're gonna be biiiig."

What I wanted to say was, "Fuck you, I am thinner than you are, and I'm seven months pregnant."

What I actually said: "Thanks. My doctor says I'm growing perfectly normally."

She said, "Well you look great. But you have two and a half months to go. You are gonna be biiiig."

Let me tell anyone out there who hasn't been pregnant. A 7-month pregnant woman does not want to hear how big she is going to be. I am already insecure, uncomfortable, and anxious about how big I'm going to get. How hard it already is to get off the floor, and out of bed.

Dr. Dodson today said I looked cute. That a 28-weeks belly is the cutest part!

Welcome to the Third Trimester

2007-03-23T11:40:00.000-04:00

Superova is 28 weeks this week! Happy birthday, Tiny! We opened a present on your behalf this morning--some beautiful Mustela beauty products, and a little dish and spoon, and some scratch-proof mittens, from my sister, Amanda. Thanks Amanda!

I went to a couple of events this week, and people who hadn't seen me in a while remarked that I was "carrying beautifully." That was nice to hear, especially feeling so weighted down these days. A guy in my office remarked that I looked nice today (am dressed up a bit, because it's not 20 degrees out, it's not hailing and it's not raining. I'm showing my legs), and said, "To be stylish, in your condition, is impressive." Thanks Joe!

I saw Mary-Louise Parker at one of my events, and she looked (too) skinny but beautiful. I wanted to say to her, "I love your work. I loved Proof and Angels in America. And your 8-months-pregnant tits were pretty incredible, too." But by the time she got there, I started feeling light-headed (not related to her breasts) and had to get my coat and go, so I didn't stay to try to talk to her. Damn it, Tiny!

Mia Kirshner, homicidal crazy lesbians

2007-03-23T11:36:00.000-04:00

So Ing and I bought some TV shows on DVD last weekend, to supplement our Netflix program of one DVD at a time. We got the first season of 24. Mia Kirshner from The L Word plays a homicidal lesbian terrorist (I'm sure no one reading this remembers Hothead Paisan, but I do! "I'm Hothead Paisan, the homicidal lesbian terrorist!!"). I love it! We are hooked on 24 now, and can't get enough. I know, we're five years late, but ... better late than never?

Nearly Third Trimester

2007-03-21T17:19:00.000-04:00

I didn't love the pictures from last Friday, and I've been told they are too provocative. So here are some more, um, covered-up ones.

Meanwhile, being pregnant in NYC is making me sad about humanity. Today I was on a rush-hour train and not a single person offered me a seat, even though the train had major delays and we were in transit for nearly an hour. For the last two stops, I was literally squatting on the ground, wearing workout clothes (so it was obvi that I was preggers). Not that I expect people to give up their seats, but Jesus Christ, I would! And have! It just seems like bad form to me. Whatever, I know I got myself in this "state," but would a little bit of thoughtfulness about your neighbor KILL a New Yorker?

Delilah's Progress

2007-03-19T19:16:00.000-04:00

I talked to Shana and her husband Jonah again tonight. Heard about labor from his perspective, which was interesting. He said it's very intense, and not what you expect, but that you are really prepared, and you should be flexible.

Shana is doing better with the sleeping, and the breastfeeding, she says. She says every day is easier, and that after a week it did get easier. She said the first couple of days were torture--that the baby didn't latch on naturally, she screamed and screamed, was hungry, that Shana couldn't remember the "holds"--apparently you are taught the football hold, the cradle hold, some other holds, for breastfeeding. It all sounded so complicated! She also said you need a notepad and a stopwatch to time how long you feed on each breast, because you're supposed to do it evenly. So much work!

I thought I was having a contraction this morning, but turns out it was (probably) lower ligament pain, which Shana said comes on normally after exercise, and is a sign you should slow down.

Also I found out that I don't get to have both the midwife AND the OB from Spring OB, so we now have to choose between Dr. Dodson and midwife Bonnie Yim. I didn't want to choose! I wanted to have both for the price of one. Now what???

I just saw Drew Barrymore on Inside the Actors Studio. She said she thinks you have to be a little bit crazy to be interesting/creative/etc. I've always thought that too! I love Drew! (I think Drew might like us, too...)

Breastfeeding. It's a Bitch.

2007-03-19T19:13:00.000-04:00

I want to share a note from my good friend from high school (a guy) whose wife had a baby in December. He read my blog where Shana said breastfeeding is the hardest thing she's ever done.

"I will say a breast feeding class is a VERY GOOD thing to consider. [My wife] forced me to go to hers (one class on a Saturday) and I am really glad I went. The natural assumption is, "how hard could it be? You stick the baby on, bite your lower lip in pain, and let the magic begin." Well, it is not that easy. There is an art to it all. And for some reason it is this dirty secret that most women (at least everyone I have talked to) have had a really hard time with it. Here are some observations I have (all be it from a man):

1. Everyone's experience is completely unique. Don't trust your friends who tell you exactly what it is going to be like. Just like the babies themselves; it seems everyone makes their own way and has their own set of issues.

2. Breast feeding is shockingly political right now. I am amazed how passionate some people are about breast feeding. Many people don't bat an eye when it comes to the war in Iraq or the plight of the poor but if you mention "formula feeding," suddenly you are evil incarnated and your child should be taken away from you. Also how long one breast feeds has been a hot topic. If you can do it at all, great. If you can do it for 6 months, wonderful. My feeling is if the baby can ask for it...maybe you are going a bit too long.

3. Hormones make everything worse. Every time that baby doesn't latch on and begins screaming you will feel (according to my wife) like you are the worst parent in the world. It is funny how intense those first few weeks (especially when you throw in sleep deprivation) feel. Just make sure Ingrid is there as your voice of reason. Your feelings will be very real but that doesn't make them true.

4. Despite what we think, not everyone breast feeds. We read that 25% of women don't even bother trying. And then another 30% give up after one month. The majority of women don't even do it."

THANK YOU, friend! I really appreciate this advice, and I think a lot of women would, too.

27 Weeks, and Welcome, Delilah!

2007-03-16T14:10:00.000-04:00

Not sure if this is the best picture. But I am bigger than last week--several people who've seen me in workout wear have attested to it. And I've gained 23 lbs. Tiny is still moving a ton.

I talked to my friend Shana, who just gave birth on Saturday, to Delilah Grace. Mazel tov, Delilah and Shana! Shana and I talked yesterday, and she really broke it down for me, about the labor and delivery. At our next convo, she's going to tell me the real deal on breastfeeding--at least, her experience.

She said this: She hadn't been sleeping well for days, because she'd been awakened by contractions three nights in a row. Finally on Sat around 4 am, she awoke to contractions that were 5 minutes apart, a minute long each. They went to the hospital, she wasn't dilated enough. They sent her home. She went to an open house, in labor. She returned home and her water broke all over the bathroom floor. (She suggested we get waterproof liners for our sheets.) She went back to the hospital. At this point she'd been having contractions for twelve hours and they told her it might be another day, maybe two, before active labor. She said contractions are really freakin' hard. That a contraction, on its own, isn't so bad, painwise, but that they come so quickly, and so intensely (she said they're like a menstrual cramp but WAY more intense and painful) that your body doesn't have time to recover, and that is what is so hard/harsh. She said she couldn't even describe the pain, though she tried. It comes in a wave, crests, then falls, steadily and slowly, back down to normal.

The doctors asked if she wanted medication.

This was the moment of truth. She'd wanted a "natural" childbirth but didn't want to punish herself if she wanted the epidural. She got the epidural.

"Liz," she said, "It's the best thing I've ever done for myself, EVER." She reiterated what Jen said, about the epidural relieving your pain enough so that you have energy saved up to push later.

She said the pushing was harder than you think, and that she did it wrong. She said don't tense up your shoulders and legs and abdomen. Just focus on your pelvis, and push like you are trying to push out a poop. She said her inefficient pushing caused her process to be longer than if she'd pushed correctly. But then Delilah pushed out her own shoulder--she was ready!--and next thing Shana knew, this beautiful little girl with a ton of black hair popped out!

Shana said she didn't really feel the pushing or the ring of fire, because the epidural was so strong. When it wore off, she said it felt like her vagina had been cut open with a dagger. Her legs were shaking, just walking to the bathroom.

She also said that labor and delivery are nothing, compared to the pain that comes after childbirth, and the exhaustion/mental fatigue of sleep deprivation and being a new parent. She also said breastfeeding is the hardest thing she's ever done in her life.

Makes me rethink taking a breastfeeding class. Uy.

On another note, this coworker of mine teaches spin classes, at a different gym than the one I belong to. She doesn't want me coming to her class, even though she tells me about it, because she's worried I'll pass out or something, being preggo. I told her I spin twice a week, at least. Why do people think preggos are so fragile! We're not! It's not an illness! I'm strong and healthy and I can manage my own fatigue level; so why is everyone trying to manage it for me? This same woman is one who tells me what I can and can't eat and drink. It's annoying. I keep telling everyone, I eat everything and drink everything... why does everyone care so much?

Easy Labor

2007-03-12T17:17:00.000-04:00

My managing editor, Jen, who is my closest coworker who has a child, loaned me this book that was really helpful and informative: Easy Labor: Every Woman's Guide to Choosing Less Pain and More Joy During Childbirth. (easylabor.net) It offers the perspectives of medical establishment (OBs, anestheseologists, nurses) and more holistic focused folks (doulas, midwives) and lots of women who have experienced childbirth themselves. It really helped explain my options and made me a lot less anxious and a lot more educated.

My best friend from childhood, Shana, delivered her daughter on Saturday! Mazel tov, Shana and Jonah and TK name baby! I cannot wait to meet you. And I'm thrilled that we are both having girls in the Year of the Pig. This is supposed to be good luck. Two Chinese women have noticed the pig charm I've been wearing on my necklace, and have commented on how it is good luck to be born that year. (Note: My mom and I are both the year of the pig--the Chinese cycles are in 12-year increments.) My Chinese manicurist said, "So you're 24?" I was like, "Nice try. I'm 35--36 at my due date. And PS no extra tip for the compliment, but thanks!"

I sent Shana and Jonah a cheesecake from Junior's, the institution on Flatbush Avenue in downtown Brooklyn (juniorscheesecake.com). Hopefully they will love it. I think I'd love it if someone had food delivered to us?? I love cannolis and Napoleons, in case anyone asks, but I'll pretty much eat anything sweet without complaint.

Had a fantastic, warm yoga class at noon today. I gave thanks that I like this yoga class within walking distance from work, that I can leave work for an hour in the middle of the day to practice my yoga, and that Ing and I were gifted with Tiny this time around: first time of trying after a year off, no pre-ovulation sonogram, no pregnancy test. Just waiting, fluttering, and now, kicks. All the time. Tiny, are you going to be a kicker for the New York Giants???

Owning a House is Fun(ny)

2007-03-11T16:30:00.001-04:00

The squirrel situation is at a standstill. There's no more evidence of the squirrel in the wall, but we haven't trapped the squirrel either. And there's no dead-squirrel smell, either. I guess that's good but it means there's no resolution. Ingrid bought a bunch of steel wool today and plugged some holes in the basement.

On Friday morning I discovered one of the outlets, that our coffee makers are plugged into, wasn't working. I tested the coffeemaker, and turned off all the fuses, and reset the switch. Nothing. I was bummed. The last thing I wanted was to have to get an electrician in here to investigate a wiring problem. Like magic, this morning (two days later), the outlet was working again. At the same time, we found what looked like a raw black bean or a black seedling on our sofa. I'd seen a couple of these around, on our stoop and on the roof. It kind of resembled a rodent dropping, but was hard and had a sprouting area. Very confusing. We put the bean in a ziploc to show it to the exterminator. We decided there's a ghost in the house, that's screwing with the outlets and leaving beans on the sofa.

On our walk to Prospect Park, I saw tons of these beans on the ground and realized they're seedlings from a certain tree I've decided is indigenous to Boerum Hill, Brooklyn. We must've brought it in on our shoe last night walking home from dinner. I still think we have a ghost.

Last night we had dinner at Blue Ribbon Sushi Brooklyn. It was excellent. And expensive. Ing got a small box (that's how they serve a large serving--in a wooden box) of sake for $18. We shared it. Yes, I had some very rare tuna, and some raw baby yellowtail, and then some cooked sushi, and half a glass of sake. I'm not telling Nurse Judy. Then we went to the Chocolate Room in Park Slope, which has, I've decided, the best desserts I've ever had: Ing got their fresh mint chip ice cream with hot fudge, and I got a molten hot chocolate torte, with burnt orange ice cream and caramel sauce. It was SOOOO worth it.

Today we walked our normal loop around Prospect Park, which is about 4 miles total. I felt pretty good but slower than normal and my back was hurting by the end. Tiny! What're you doing down there??

My good friend Shana from high school is due to give birth TOMORROW! I can't wait to hear how her labor goes. Shana, I'm thinking of you!

26 Weeks

2007-03-09T09:20:00.000-05:00

I think I might've looked cuter at 22 weeks? Ah well... Tiny is a-kicking! I think she might be a boxer! Ingrid will see to it, anyway...

Mommy Takes a Spin Class

2007-03-08T13:52:00.000-05:00

Feeling really good today. Better than normal. I took my regular Thursday lunch spin class, and it really felt good today. I got my heart rate up to 146 and felt energized, and sweated and felt strong. The woman next to me praised me, and said it was hard today for her, and she's not even pregnant. I've been reading that labor book, and feeling some anxiety (as well as excitement) about labor, and trying to visualize my labor, and believe that I can do it--which I know I can. Days like today, I feel like I want to shout out, "I CAN DO IT! I will squeeze you out, Tiny! I did the AIDS Ride, which nearly f'ing killed me, and I can do this, too! You're worth it!"

I want to shout out to pal Jessica's sis-in-law Duffy, who's in her first trimester of her third pregnancy, and who shared with me here that she drinks occasionally (moderately), eats stinky cheeses of all kinds, lunch meats and bacon, and sushi galore! Hallelujah! So do I, and I haven't had any issues yet. My question is, if an anestheseologist can stick a catheter of NARCOTICS into your spine, and it doesn't affect the fetus, how can one half a glass of wine, once every two weeks? This whole not-drinking thing I feel is alarmist, and I will tell Dr. Dodson so.

We saw our friends Alexa and Christian's baby Malx, and he is so f'ing adorable. He's got a big head and chunky and cute and perfect. I can only hope our little Tiny is as perfect as Malcolm. Ingrid talked to Tiny this morning, and said, "You are gonna be friends with Malcolm, and I think that'll be fun for you!" How cute is that?

Also, a random friend of our friend Meredith's husband Conley sent us a baby gift, after meeting us randomly at dinner one night. It's a tiny little tee that says LACTOSE TOLERANT. OMG, how sweet are people???

Easy Labor?

2007-03-06T17:35:00.000-05:00

We met with a different OB today, since we start rotating to meet the four different OBs, and midwife Bonnie, at Spring OB. We met Dr. Gahr today, whom we really liked. Alexa was saying she's their least favorite doctor, but Ingrid and I really liked her. She was kind of nerdy, but with a personality. She seemed to think we were crazy that we are having five baby showers, but I was like, bring it! She says my tummy is perfect in terms of measurement and my weight gain is fine. She said I should watch it with the weight training, as it can lead to back pain. (I could barely walk on Saturday, after lifting heavies on Friday night.)

I've been feeling Tiny kick a ton. Everyone wants to know the names. We aren't talking about them any more, because everyone wants to give their two cents. They're family names, ok?

Jen my work buddy gave me a few great books, one that I started last night: Easy Labor: Every Woman's Guide to Choosing Less Pain and More Joy During Childbirth. So far, so good. It's my beginning of educating myself.

Last night I met Christine Ebersole, the star of Grey Gardens on Broadway, and got my picture taken with her. She did an event at Bloomingdale's. I love musical theater!

25 Weeks

2007-03-02T17:41:00.000-05:00

Tiny is kicking a boatload worth now. Or at least I think that's what it is. It feels like a really profound heartbeat, just one beat. Or like, indigestion, seriously. But I think it's her. She kicked a storm in yoga class today.

People are starting to notice the belly. For the first time, this week, a woman noticed me on the subway and offered me her seat (her young boyfriend just sat there. No comment.). It was so nice. I didn't take it cuz I wasn't feeling tired out but it was a very appreciated gesture.

Incidentally, I took a long, hard look at my ass in the full-length mirror at the gym the other day. It wasn't pretty. It used to be pretty but now it's hiding under layers of ice cream and pasta. Oh well. Tiny, we'll go to the gym together once you get here.

The New Friend is Staying for Breakfast

2007-03-01T16:36:00.000-05:00

Ok, so the exterminator hasn't resolved the squirrel/rat/rodent/whatever it is issue. They came, put a big no-kill trap on the roof, patched the hole on the outside of the roof and did nothing inside, and we're to wait and see what happens. Yesterday I was naked, getting dressed in our bedroom around 9 am and I swear I saw a tail swishing around, through the hole the critter made in our ceiling. It was unnerving as hell. I of course called Ralph, the exterminator, to calm me. He's so nice and tries to be helpful. He's this skinny, scruffy guy with two gold front teeth, and long, scraggly hair, of indeterminate age, who clearly just got out of prison. And he couldn't be sweeter. He came over again last night, when I was panicked that the squirrel came through the wall. We tried to get some more advice on Brownstoner.com about what to do, but no one seems to have any ideas, except to wait until the squirrel is shitting in your living room.

So yesterday I talked to my nurse practioner through Capital Blue Cross again. She asked me another litany of questions, including:

"Do you eat raw or rare meat, or sushi?"

Liz: (thinking hard, after I got busted for drinking during the last conversation. Decides to lie, knowing this is the best option.) No.

Nurse Judy: Good. Because there are risks of toxoplasmosis.

Liz: Yep, I know.

And later....

Nurse Judy: After the baby is born, what do you plan to do about birth control?

Liz: Birth control?

Nurse: Yeah, remember that???

Liz: Um, actually no. I haven't used birth control in 15 years. If I forgot to mention this, Judy, I'm a lesbian. It makes birth control convenient. However, it does make getting pregnant a little harder.

Nurse: Yeah, I guess it would.

A New Friend

2007-02-27T13:53:00.000-05:00

So yesterday morning around 6 Ingrid and I heard something scratching in the wall of our bedroom.

"Oh shit," we both thought. "Mice. Or worse. Rats."

Seems it might be even bigger than that. USA Exterminators is here right now, and it's their second visit of the day. They think it is a squirrel that crawled in through a hole on the roof. After we tried to pound on the wall to scare the critter, to no avail, we discovered a small crack in the paint in wall, near the top of the ceiling. Could it be that the critter had actually created a hole INTO OUR BEDROOM?

Yes, in fact, s/he has. USA is up there right now, setting a trap for the squirrel (They don't kill them, FYI, they take them to Prospect Park if they catch them), and closing off the hole that we found in our roof. Meanwhile we went down to the basement to check for any additional friends (Ing found two dead mice on Saturday), and Ralph, our exterminator, opened the cellar door and said, "ooooooooohhhhh. There was a dead rat at the bottom of the stairs." Not a big one. Not a small one either. Just normal sized rat. Dead. He took it out for me, free of charge. I made him a nice cup of Starbucks coffee as a thank you.

Advice to the weak: Don't ever buy a brownstone.

In other low-impact news, I've gained 20 lbs. I'm starting to feel big. And I know it's going to be a hard next 4 months for me. But feeling a lot of movement from Tiny, and feeling like she's excited to keep growing, and getting healthy and finding her way here to us, in Squirrelville, Brooklyn, NY, USA. Keep growing, Tiny! We'll try to eliminate the critters before you get here!

24 Weeks

2007-02-23T17:08:00.001-05:00

24 Weeks! Superova is six months along already! Who knew it would get to this point? Finally, I feel pregnant and am starting to really show. People who don't know me say they can't tell, but good friends say I'm getting big. These cute panties, BTW, are from American Eagle's new brand, Aerie, of panties. Cute, right?

Last night we met our friend Amy who had a baby two months ago. She was energetic and lively and lovely. She answered a ton of my questions. She told me there's a big political thing between doulas and midwives right now, about how doulas make about $2K on a pregnancy, and have no medical training, and midwives are pissed bc they make less than that, and they have medical training, have to pay for malpractice insurance, and have to execute the physiological part of a labor as well as the emotional part. It made sense to me.

Amy delivered at St. Luke's Roosevelt at the birthing center--until she had a C-section that is. Before the CS, though, she was walking around, squatting, sitting on a birthing ball, and sitting in a jacuzzi. She said being active during labor is the best thing you can do. She also told me not to wear a hospital gown, to wear something that is soft and comfortable and beautiful, and also disposable, because it's going to get shit and pee and blood all over it. She told me the contractions hurt like hell, and about the "ring of fire," which our friend Jen had just told me about: apparently when the head is crowning at the vagina, the labia lips are stretched so far, that it feels like they're on fire. Amy said her hubby pushed really hard on her lower back during contractions, and that that helped immensely. She said she wouldn't let him go to the bathroom at all because she needed him there, pushing with her. Hearing her story was really helpful to me.

Amy also made me realize that the birth is the beginning of the hard part. She said the first month, she thought, "I've made the biggest mistake of my life, having a child." She said it was so, so hard. So exhausting and emotionally draining, and hard on her spouse too. Now she's at 2 months past, and it seems like it is getting a lot easier. Thanks, Amy, for sharing your story. I can't wait to meet Luca, Amy's son...

Hot Mama

2007-02-21T13:36:00.000-05:00

I finally saw the Justin Timberlake/Scarlett Johansson video "What Goes Around Comes Around" at the gym this morning. Hot! Scarlett and Justin are seriously the couple I'd most like to... and I don't even really like guys! Plus there's a lesbo moment in it, when Scarlett says, "I like girls." Check it out:

http://theutubeblog.com/2007/02/14/justin-timberlake-with-scarlett-johansen-release-latest-video-on-youtube/

After my 10 days of having a cold, I gained two lbs! That might be part and parcel of the six-month mark but I'm back at the gym now. We'll see... Our friend Katie says I need to relax about it all. She's right, I know.

Today I got a call from a nurse at Capital Blue Cross, my insurance provider. They offer extra prenatal care with an RN who talks with you on the phone and asks questions, checks in, etc. Judy was VERY concerned with my alcohol intake during my pregnancy. I told her I drink maybe half a glass of wine or beer at a dinner or special occasion, well, occasionally. She was concerned I didn't know the risks, and wondered if I'd talked to my OB about it, which I lied and said I did. I told Judy I was comfortable with the risks, and that I really wasn't abusing alcohol. She was still nervous though and I basically said, "Judy, don't sweat it. It's my risk and I know the risks and I'm comfortable with it." So she said she'd get off it.

Tiny Kicks?

2007-02-18T20:54:00.000-05:00

My mom was in town for a quick visit this weekend. We had a little jaunt to Bye Bye Baby, where my mom helped us pick out our strollers, and did a few other errands. We walked through a few baby stores in Brooklyn (at Ola Baby we found the bedding we want, from DwellBaby) and saw some really great stuff in clothes that was a nice alternative to the Buy Buy Baby crap.

Today Ingrid and I went into the city to go to Bloomingdale's and as we were walking up 3rd Avenue at 57th Street, I felt this strong vibration in my pelvic region. It felt like a big metal pipe in me was experiencing one fast, strong vibration, like BOOM. It took my breath away and I was like, Whoa! Then it happened again, and I decided that might be Tiny's first kick!

We then saw City of Men, a really grim, and so good, movie. Science fiction about terrorism, and illegal immigration, and apocalypse and children and youth and innocence and war. Everyone should see it.

23 Weeks, Food Police, and Registering

2007-02-16T15:19:00.000-05:00

SuperOva is 23 wks pregnant today! Next week will be six months, which hardly seems feasible! We met a friend who is 8 months, and she'd gained almost NO weight, except in her belly, and I was envious. Ingrid told me not to sweat it. This woman's been RUNNING through her pregnancy--something I can't even imagine. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. This woman at work saw me eating a chocolate chip cookie that someone got for V Day, and she's seen me mac on sweets at her desk too, and she was like, "So you're eating a lot of sweets?"

And I was like, "Yup!"

She said, "Be careful, your baby will want to eat sweets too then."

Me: "Well, who doesn't?"

Her: "I'm just saying, they say babies like to eat what you like to eat."

Me: "Good. If that's true, Tiny will like sushi, salad, every ethnic food imaginable, margaritas, martinis, and sweets of only really high quality."

In other words, SHUT UP! (PS If you look closely at the side view of me, you can see exactly where all the sweets have landed.)

Ing and I have been maniacs online with our Buy Buy Baby and Target registries. I've been sick this week so we've spent a lot of nights at home, editing, revising, reposting, adding to the registries. It's exhausting! This just in: We're having a fifth shower, thrown by Ingrid's best friend from high school, Katie (mother of Sammie, 7-y.o. lover of Chinatown bargains). This one will be Ingy's high school friends. So cute!

I feel like an asshole. I told Ing's mom, and mine, that we didn't want all pink outfits. That I didn't want to sound ungrateful but that I didn't want to overly feminize our daughter. Our friend Liz says, "Liz, that might be out of your control. Plus, people are gonna get what they're gonna get, no matter what you say, really." So what can we do. Ilka: The baby Uggs!!?? XOXO

Letter to Tiny, Feb 12, 2007

2007-02-12T19:34:00.000-05:00

Dear Tiny,

Babycenter.com suggests that we start writing letters to you. I can feel you fluttering in my abdomen right now, so I am writing this, and reading it aloud, in hopes that you can sense this, and someday, you will even read it.

I was saying to your other Mommy the other day, that I can't wait for you to experience some of the most fun things about New York City and this world. Like your first hot pretzel off a NYC street cart. Your first Peep at Easter time. Your first steamed lobster at the Jersey Shore. Your first strawberry-rhubarb pie from the Del Mar Farmers Market in San Diego. And your first Springer's ice cream cone from Stone Harbor, NJ. Unfortunately, you will find out that one of your moms is food-obsessed, and hopefully you will not inherit this trait, but will grow up loving and enjoying food like your other mother.

Food obsessions aside, Tiny, I am getting very excited for you to arrive. I heard some details about childbirth yesterday, and I am scared. The good part is, we will be in it together. And at the end of it, you will be here in the tactile world with us. Riding home in your first of many taxi rides, seeing the East River, I hope! There are so many people waiting to welcome you. You have a whole Vietnamese history and family in California that Grandma Van is eager to share with you. Grandpa Fred will teach you all about architecture and history and ancient art and hopefully take you to France for the first time, and skiing in Big Bear, CA. Grandma Tita and Grandpapa I.S. will share the amazing beachfront house with you, and welcome your little tiny cries alongside Rocco, Bean's dog, and will teach you the history of the northeast, of Pennsylvania, of the New Jersey Shore, of a family with 150 years of strong history, a family whose name you will share proudly, I hope. Mama Ingy will teach you how to throw and catch balls of all kinds, and directions, and a wonderful sense of humor, and I... I'm not sure. Hopefully I will have a lot to teach you too: Foreign languages, the love of our own English language and literature, the love of every kind of food in the world, the beautiful parks in Brooklyn, and the joy of the kindness of strangers, also known as friends whom we have not yet met. Auntie Liz will spoil you with cream puffs from Beard Papa. I cannot wait. Keep growing, and be strong. Soon.

With a Little Help from Our Friends

2007-02-12T19:12:00.000-05:00

After our half-fun, half-traumatic experience with the baby registries, we had the kismet today of being offered some used stuff from friends who have now-toddlers. Our friend Hana offered us a swing and a bouncy chair. Susan offered a breast pump and possibly a jogging stroller! Thanks guys! These are so appreciated, and we are excited at any stuff we don't have to buy new, and put back into the environment--especially big, plastic and metal stuff!

I read in Women's Wear Daily that both Juicy Couture and Roxy are coming out with baby lines. Sweet! Mom, hint hint...

Our friend from Costa Rica surf camp who lives in LA and works in TV (on all my favorite crime-dramas!) is going to come to the San Diego shower. I'm so psyched! She says this about pregnant women on the subway: "Who cares whether you choose to have a baby and live in the city. If any of those men or women had been raised right, they would stand up immediately and offer their seat. That is common decency. The same argument could be made for old people. They're old and choose to live in the city, so fuck 'em. Let them fall over and break their hips on the train. In what world is that right? Pregnancy is a physical condition that causes stress and fatigue. I would be ashamed of myself if i was sitting while preggers was standing. It's just bad form. Those city dwellers have forgotten their compassion or something. Jerks."

Also, can we talk about the fact that last night's episode of The L Word was the best yet? The drama is just beginning, and Jenny had to face up to her own crazy, Bette is truly struggling in an interesting way (and having hot sex nevertheless!), Shane is getting some dignity, Helena is becoming a hooker, and Alice (Leisha Hailey, left, who once dated kd lang!! Fashion SO much better now.) is, well, Alice (the Phyllis storyline is quelle tragique). Rock on!!

Shopping for Tiny

2007-02-10T19:45:00.000-05:00

We really did our first shopping for Tiny, as we visited Buy Buy Baby in Manhattan. I resisted going there, as it seemed so huge, disgusting and horrible, but it was actually a pleasant experience. There's a Whole Foods next door where we got very nice, affordable coffee and pastries. At Buy Buy Baby, we had to re-register because our online registry wasn't showing up, and Ingrid starting filling out the form, that had a slot for Mother's Name and another for Father's Name.

"This form isn't very progressive," Ingrid objected. "Online, you can register Parent 1 and Parent 2. Considering we are in Chelsea, I assume we're not the first same-sex parents you've had as customers."

"Good point," the clerk said.

"Will you mention it to management? It's not progressive at all," Ing said.

The woman replied that she would. This was a slightly annoying start but after that, the experience was great. Danielle in strollers took nearly an hour to explain every one to us. It was overwhelming. We ruled out the Bugaboo, thank god, since it's more than $800, and we narrowed it down to two different ones that are each about $300. Apparently we also "need" an "umbrella stroller," which is one for whne the kid is a year or older, and those can be as low as $100. Then we did the car seats, equally overwhelming, and the jogging strollers, and the attachment wheelie things that you can put a car seat into and make into a portable stroller. We thought that attachment might be good for the Shore. We realized we want to get a couple of duplicate things for the Shore, and maybe a couple of things for my mom and Fred's apartment in Brooklyn too. Egad, the consumerism of it all is freaking me out. I'm still hoping we can buy some stuff used and/or buy some hand-me-downs from friends. My work friend Jen is going to loan me the breast pump that our co-worker Carol gave her.

We did register for some basics on another floor: bottles, onesies, bath stuff, a nursing pillow, breast pads, Purell--stuff that isn't sexy but seemed like a good idea. The clothes at Buy Buy Baby were all really gender-specific and not cute, so I'm holding out for just a few cute things from nicer stores, and maybe a few gifts (hopeful thinking?)...

Anna Sighting, Up Close

2007-02-10T19:29:00.000-05:00

Last night art director Chris and I went to the Costello Tagliapietra show--they are this gay couple who look like lumberjacks/bears, and who live in Brooklyn and who design together. They are so cute! Chris and I didn't get seats--it was so crowded--we stood near the door where we could see, right next to the camerawomen from WWD. I was getting cranky and didn't want to stand, as we'd been spoiled and had a seat for every show previous, but I'd heard such good things about these designers and I saw that Anna and Andre Leon Talley were both there. If Anna's at a show, you know that one is worth seeing. So we stayed, and it was beautiful. Ruched, form-fitting jersey dresses in gorgeous colors--stuff I can see both Chris and I wearing to work. Right after the show, I walked out because we were right next to the door, and Anna somehow got ahead of us and was right in front of me, in an amazing fitted leopard coat. Ingrid was waiting outside the tents for me and she saw Anna come out first, and then saw me come out, with my eyes all wide and excited because of finally having a good Anna spotting. Ing and I were going to try to head to Babbo for an impromptu date night at the bar, and we followed Anna and her two bodyguards for two blocks until she got into her car, a silver Towne Car, and drove off.

We got a cab to Babbo, Mario Batali's original restaurant in the West Village. Serendipitously, we got two seats right in the middle of the bar. I've never been able to get a reservation there myself, so we were psyched. We had a martini and a glass of wine, and shared an octopus salad, then a very mild pasta with bottarga (tuna eggs), and then a wheat pasta with anchovy sauce. Yum! I can't write about this on other other blog, the Brooklyn Dining Club, so do visit that blog, which our friend Nick started to discuss our Brooklyn dining experiences.