The New Friend is Staying for Breakfast

Ok, so the exterminator hasn't resolved the squirrel/rat/rodent/whatever it is issue. They came, put a big no-kill trap on the roof, patched the hole on the outside of the roof and did nothing inside, and we're to wait and see what happens. Yesterday I was naked, getting dressed in our bedroom around 9 am and I swear I saw a tail swishing around, through the hole the critter made in our ceiling. It was unnerving as hell. I of course called Ralph, the exterminator, to calm me. He's so nice and tries to be helpful. He's this skinny, scruffy guy with two gold front teeth, and long, scraggly hair, of indeterminate age, who clearly just got out of prison. And he couldn't be sweeter. He came over again last night, when I was panicked that the squirrel came through the wall. We tried to get some more advice on Brownstoner.com about what to do, but no one seems to have any ideas, except to wait until the squirrel is shitting in your living room.

So yesterday I talked to my nurse practioner through Capital Blue Cross again. She asked me another litany of questions, including:

"Do you eat raw or rare meat, or sushi?"

Liz: (thinking hard, after I got busted for drinking during the last conversation. Decides to lie, knowing this is the best option.) No.

Nurse Judy: Good. Because there are risks of toxoplasmosis.

Liz: Yep, I know.

And later....

Nurse Judy: After the baby is born, what do you plan to do about birth control?

Liz: Birth control?

Nurse: Yeah, remember that???

Liz: Um, actually no. I haven't used birth control in 15 years. If I forgot to mention this, Judy, I'm a lesbian. It makes birth control convenient. However, it does make getting pregnant a little harder.

Nurse: Yeah, I guess it would.