Childbirth Class at 33 Wks

We went to our first class with Terry Richmond from BirthDay Presence--our childbirth educator who is a doula and has attended 175 births over the last five years. We really liked Terry and the first day of our class--very informative, mellow, and reassuring.

We learned about partner support of the laboring woman, through massage techniques, breathing, staying in the moment, using shower/baths, birthing balls (Auntie Ilka has a birthing ball she is going to give us that's down at the Shore), socks filled with uncooked rice that can be heated or cooled, moaning/making noise, and giving emotional support.

We talked about positioning during labor, and how that can help move the fetus to more labor-friendly positions, and back labor--which is when the baby isn't positioned in the front part of your abdomen, but around to the side, and when it's spine is facing your spine. Back labor can be hazardous because the fetus' limbs can get in the way of proper movement down the birth canal and can prevent a healthy vaginal birth, and can prompt an OB to encourage a laboring woman to have a C-section delivery.

We really learned all about what doulas do, which is provide emotional support--and butt massage--for their clients, and act as advocates for a laboring woman in the hospital, and try to defend the type of birth the woman or couple wants to have. We were happy to hear that Terry has worked with Drs. Flagg and Gahr from Spring OB-GYN before.

It was also really interesting that she said that a lot of women respond physically during labor the same ways they respond to sex, with rocking, moaning, noise, faces, etc. She also talked about "birth climax," which I guess is when a woman has an orgasm during a delivery--she said it's not supercommon with her clients, but that she has heard of it happening. I mentioned to her that Susie Bright the sex writer has said that childbirth is the most sexual experience she's ever had. (I've mentioned that to other women who've had babies, and they decidedly did not agree.)

Tomorrow we are going to learn more about medical interventions: epidurals, episiotomy, and how to approach your doctor about different medical issues that you may want to address before labor.

I felt great in the class. The teacher said I was in great shape for being 8 mos. along, and said I seemed very flexible and had very open hips and legs. So, so far, so good!

Cowgirl Crib

Today it's 33 weeks, but I forgot the camera at work so no tummy pics--will post some on Monday.

This is from the NYC shower, where Fred, my mom, Tita, and Ing's sisters all came to town for it. Tita brought the crib and she and Dan and Bean installed it, and put the Dwell Baby cowgirl sheets on it. The nursery is coming together and is pretty damned cute!

Am feeling increasingly more stiff and less mobile and flexible with every day. Nights are worse. Baths help. Am heading to get a massage right now; hopefully that will provide some relief.

Are taking our childbirthing class this weekend at the Prenatal Yoga Center on the Upper West Side. Am excited for the additional education. I've been reading a lot too about birthing (thanks, Duffy, for the great books!! The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth, and Birthing From Within.) and am excited. 8 hours! Wish us luck...

32 Wks = Eight Months!

Whoo hoo! We've made it eight months! Yesterday, a woman in my spin class told me that if she ever gets pregnant, she aspires to be me. (I think she was referring to working out at 8 months.)

Aunt Peggy from France was in town last night, and brought us beautiful French baby clothes, including these too-insane Christian Lacroix tights, that say "Christian Lacroix" on the bum. Ingrid said, referring to Tiny, "The bitch is going to be more stylish than we are!" Tiny, we love you!

My mom, who is also in town, met us for dinner, and saw me walking up the street, waddling. I guess I am waddling now. It's hard though! My mom only gained 17 lbs during her pregnancy, and she had to be taken off of lab work, and seated at a desk in the second trimester. Anemia and low blood pressure runs in the family, I guess?

Our NYC shower is Sunday. Hopefully we can fit everyone--and everything in the house. All the Eberly women will be there, plus my mom and Fred, and hopefully most of our friends. Thanks in advance, everyone. Fresh direct, may you show up on time on Sunday am.

31 Weeks & the San Diego Shower & a Scary Flight

I have to get caught up. I'm actually almost at 32 weeks, but we were away last weekend and I didn't get to blog at all.

Yesterday at the gym, a woman saw me naked and said, "You look like you're about to give birth TOMORROW." I said, "Hopefully not, since I have two months left to go." Then she told me I looked great. Do people not understand that telling a woman she looks 10 mos. pregnant is not a compliment?

We flew home from our San Diego shower Sunday night, into NYC flash floods. The last half hour of the flight was extremely turbulent and there was zero visibility outside. Both Ingrid and I were scared, but wouldn't say it aloud. We held hands, tightly, and Ingrid shut the windowshade, after she told me it was totally white outside, and that the plane was zigzagging. People around us were throwing up. I was starting to perspire, and we were both nauseous. I prayed. Literally. I said, "God, or whomever you are up there, if this is our time, I'm so sorry, because I forgot to fill out my organ donor thing on my driver's license." We landed ok, and everyone applauded. The flight attendant said, "After that incredible landing, welcome to New York City."

Our San Diego trip was so lovely. We did a few couple-mile-long walks down to the beach in Del Mar, and the weather was perfection. My mom treated us to manis and pedis and it really felt like our wedding day. We had dinner for the shower at Pacifica Breeze, the place my mom and I always have breakfast together in the middle of our four-mile walks down to the beach in Del Mar. The service was great. Almost my whole family from OC and San Fran were there. My grandma was beautiful. She talked with Ingrid, and said, "I am very worried about how your family is taking the news." Ing told her that the fam loves me. Grandma later said to me, "I am very happy for you and Ingrid. When you are happy, I am happy." She also told everyone at the table (including her other sons and daughters) that I was her favorite granddaughter and how happy she was to be able to see another great-grandchild. I think my mom was pretty happy.

My mom's oldest work friends, who've known me since I was 12, were all there. My two closest junior high friends, Kurt and Shana, were there. (They've both had babies in the past four months.) I loved seeing them so much, even though Kurt pissed me off by telling me he didn't approve of the names we'd picked for the baby. (I vowed not to tell another person the name until she is born. Sorry, everyone who hasn't heard yet.) Wendy, a new friend who lives in LA whom we met at Costa Rica surf camp, was there, and it was SO great to see her.

In other news: Ing's sister Bean and her BF Dan got engaged! Congrats, Bean and Dan! Our friend Mikki says she is already busy writing the NYT Sunday Styles section's Vows column for them, about romance in the marsh.

Diane Keaton, and other nice people today

Our friends Jim and Jeremy took us to the Lincoln Center Film Society's Gala Tribute to Diane Keaton, for her lifetime of work in film, last night. Liz Smith was sitting right in front of Ing, and Jeff Daniels, to her right. SI Newhouse was in front of me. Sarah Jessica Parker spoke first, and I decided I have a new-born crush on her. She was charming and self-effacing and her hair was... perfection!! (See the picture?) Other speakers were Woody Allen, Meryl Streep, Candice Bergen, Martin Short, Steve Martin and Lisa Kudrow. Everyone was pretty funny and loveable on stage. It was fun! Good NYC glamourous night.

Today on the subway, a man gave me his seat during rush hour. During my spin class, the guy next to me said, "Don't deliver in here!" I said I'd try not to, and he asked how far along I was, and I told him, and he said, "Good for you!" (For continuing to spin, I assume he meant.) Then in the locker room, a woman saw me naked and said, "You're still so beautiful!" It was a day of nice energy from strangers. I feel bad about calling the guy at Ingrid's building last night an asshole, when he wouldn't let me sit down on the stairs. (He, too, gave me a stool for a few minutes, so I felt bad about that for awhile.)

30 Weeks & The "After-Pee"

Doesn't it look like Tiny is hanging a little bit to one side--my right side?

Superova has experiencedf a new fun side effect to pregnancy: urinary incontinence! Well, this isn't totally true. But my bladder gets really full, really fast, and sometimes it just hurts. An unfortunate corollary to this is that I've experienced something lovely that I'm calling the "after-pee." Sometimes when I pee and then wipe and am ready to get dressed again, I have to pee a little bit more. It's fun!

My stepbrother and his wife gave birth on Wednesday to Eliot! Welcome, Eliot!

Whitney Houston, and NYU Hospital

Whitney Houston reportedly got sole custody of her daughter Bobbi Christina yesterday in court, when her soon-to-be ex Bobby Brown didn't even show up for the hearing. WTF?! Is this a scary story, the lesser of two evils?

The same day this was happening, Ingrid and I were at NYU's Tisch Hospital, where we are scheduled to deliver Tiny. We were getting a tour of the OB ward there. We saw the rooms where you deliver--pretty medical, pretty basic, pretty much what I expected. We were on this tour with about eight other couples. The nurse on duty who gave the tour was this funny middle-aged woman who made jokes throughout but was pretty straightforward and seemed like a person you'd like to have with you during labor, if you were to be assigned a stranger. There was one room where you deliver, with a small hospital bed, next to an area with a fetal monitor, and looked like a standard, if a bit small, hospital room. We learned you can bring in ipods and DVDs, but no radio or stereo setup that everyone can hear. They recommended you bring two nightgowns that you don't mind getting bloody and shitty, a hairband, chap stick, and cotton socks. The nurse said you can bring in a birthing ball but it must be deflated, so you'd have to bring the air pump too! (Tita, can we borrow the pump for the bike tires for a few months?) She said if you don't get the epidural you can walk around, but she said you shouldn't anticipate doing laps or anything--that you may want to walk from the bed to the side chair, etc.

After you give birth, they take the baby away from you for about five minutes, and put her on this little warming table right next to your bed (it reminded me of Tita's warming drawer at the shore house kitchen), and do her Apgar tests--those basic tests that judge her alertness, stimulation level, etc. And then they put her right on your breast, and you get to hang for a couple hours. Then they take her upstairs to get examined by a pediatrician and have her hearing tested and reflexes and stuff. That takes a couple hours, then you get to hang out for the next day or two, depending on when you deliver and when they need the rooms and stuff, I guess.

One of the women in our group, you could tell, was kind of like me--wanted less medical intervention than the standard, but had still agreed to deliver in the hospital. She had about a zillion questions, ranging from "do you have to do TK thing," to "do they have to take the baby away from you to do the tests," to "do they have to bathe the baby right after she's born?" The nurse was kind of like, "Um, I suppose," but let's just say that the NYU staff was very medicalized, and not interested in alternative therapies. Not that they were forbidding you from doing stuff that was more alternative, but they were kind of like, "We do what's right for the baby, and the baby determines everything about your labor." It was interesting; basically she was saying that the baby, even not yet born, totally determines your labor experience--her position, how fast she moves, etc.

After you give birth, they take you up to "recovery," where you can get a semi-private or a private room, and you rest and hang there, and practice breastfeeding, for between 24 and 48 hours if you do a vaginal delivery, 72 hours if you do a Caesarian.

We left the hospital more educated, which is good. It took about 20 minutes to walk there. I told everyone at our first shower that I was planning on walking to the hospital if I go into labor at work. They were like, "UH uh. We'll give you cab fare." But I was saying that movement is encouraged, and I hope to be still walking, but I guess we'll see...

Shoutout to Duffy, who is now about 14 weeks, I am guessing? Hope you are feeling well, and thanks so much for reading.

A nice woman found a seat for me on the crowded subway tonight, and said, "It is pretty disgusting that men won't get up for you. Stick your belly in their face." Do men not give a shit about women who are tired and off-balance?

NYU Hospital

I'm not in labor yet--don't worry. Ing and I are going for a tour of the OB ward at NYU Hospital tonight. If weather clears up, I'm going to walk there, and clock it--that way I can anticipate for the actual labor day, how long the walk is from work! Everyone at the shower was HORRIFIED that I might walk to the hospital in labor! FYI: according to prenatal yoga standards, you are supposed to walk around, squat, be active as possible through the early contractions. I figure it will be a good distraction. Also I think I'll bring a book of Sudoko puzzles.

Another note: I am working on a book proposal about my journey as a pregnant lesbian. My friend Liz is helping me edit the proposal (thanks Liz!) and I am sure that anything that is ever published will embarrass my mother. So Mom, I apologize in advance. But as I said this weekend, "Wouldn't you rather me have a personality than be some shrinking violet?" I am sure your granddaugher will be horrified, too, as her life unfolds and her mom continues to embarrass her. Especially when she's a teenager.

Baby Shower Season has begun

I am happy to report that we not only survived, but thrived, on our first two baby showers. The first was at Beverly Spitzer's house, cohosted with Sharon Duggan. The Spitzers and Duggans are old friends of the Eberlys from the tennis club. The shower was lovely. Bev has a beautiful home, with a grand deck overlooking the Susquehanna River. You could almost imagine living in Pennsylvania, being on that deck. It's amazing. Bev is a beautiful painter, and threw a really nice shower. Tons of food, and this gorgeous pink cake that I got to cut. Ingrid made a toast that brought tears to my eyes, about how lucky we are to have so much love and support in our lives. There were about 30 or 35 people there. Everyone kept remarking about how nice it would have been to have a female partner with a newborn, and how great it is that you get to choose what last name the baby will have.

That night the Eberlys took us (Ingrid, my mom, Bean and me) to dinner at the fancy Hershey Hotel, with the Spitzers and Duggans, to say thank you. IS ordered champagne at the end. It was a really cute night. I sat next to Tita and Frank Duggan, this urologist who is 67 and had a TON of questions about being a lesbian family, and was rather endearing with his curiosity. I answered everything honestly and he seemed really happy to be educated from my perspective. He couldn't imagine how it wouldn't have been hard to come out as a lesbian when I was 19, and I told him it actually was very easy. I was excited to be honest about who I was and who I loved.

The next day Katie, Ing's best friend from high school, threw us a shower at her house in Camp Hill, PA. About ten women from Ing's high school/junior high days showed up. It was fun to see them all, but JESSICA A, where were you? We were bummed we missed you. Everyone was so complimentary, saying I looked great and teeny and all of that, which did make me feel good--especially after I reviewed the pictures. I look like a house, with skinny arms and skinny legs!

I heard some great labor stories. Some natural childbirths, some fast, some slow, no horror stories. It was really quite encouraging. I am happy that we are doing a natural childbirth class this month.

We got seven huge bags of loot from the parties. Everyone was incredibly generous. We got tons of adorable clothing, onesies, etc., lots of books, and some toys and some bigger stuff too. We got our first baby doll, from Rusty, Katie's Mom, and some great little shoes and so much really precious clothing. (And yes, a lot of pink. Which I am ok with.) Ingrid sorted out all the clothing by size and age, and sorted it in our new Ikea shelving units. Thanks everyone! I bought $75 worth of thank you notes at Papyrus this morning, just for these gifters.

Most beautiful surprises of all: Tita had the 1907 crib restored, that IS II (Ing's Granddad), and IS III (Ing's dad), and all three girls slept in. She assembled it and propped it with this incredible stork that she'd had leftover from her buying days at the Biddle's store. I got almost weepy when I saw it; it really is fabulous. Thanks Tita! Also, my mom got us an enormous bag of the most beautiful clothes from France. And together, the Grandmas got us the beautiful, Swedish SVAN high chair that we coveted at Christian and Alexa's. Baby Tiny will be high-rollin, Eberly style.