A New Friend

So yesterday morning around 6 Ingrid and I heard something scratching in the wall of our bedroom.

"Oh shit," we both thought. "Mice. Or worse. Rats."

Seems it might be even bigger than that. USA Exterminators is here right now, and it's their second visit of the day. They think it is a squirrel that crawled in through a hole on the roof. After we tried to pound on the wall to scare the critter, to no avail, we discovered a small crack in the paint in wall, near the top of the ceiling. Could it be that the critter had actually created a hole INTO OUR BEDROOM?

Yes, in fact, s/he has. USA is up there right now, setting a trap for the squirrel (They don't kill them, FYI, they take them to Prospect Park if they catch them), and closing off the hole that we found in our roof. Meanwhile we went down to the basement to check for any additional friends (Ing found two dead mice on Saturday), and Ralph, our exterminator, opened the cellar door and said, "ooooooooohhhhh. There was a dead rat at the bottom of the stairs." Not a big one. Not a small one either. Just normal sized rat. Dead. He took it out for me, free of charge. I made him a nice cup of Starbucks coffee as a thank you.

Advice to the weak: Don't ever buy a brownstone.

In other low-impact news, I've gained 20 lbs. I'm starting to feel big. And I know it's going to be a hard next 4 months for me. But feeling a lot of movement from Tiny, and feeling like she's excited to keep growing, and getting healthy and finding her way here to us, in Squirrelville, Brooklyn, NY, USA. Keep growing, Tiny! We'll try to eliminate the critters before you get here!

24 Weeks

24 Weeks! Superova is six months along already! Who knew it would get to this point? Finally, I feel pregnant and am starting to really show. People who don't know me say they can't tell, but good friends say I'm getting big. These cute panties, BTW, are from American Eagle's new brand, Aerie, of panties. Cute, right?

Last night we met our friend Amy who had a baby two months ago. She was energetic and lively and lovely. She answered a ton of my questions. She told me there's a big political thing between doulas and midwives right now, about how doulas make about $2K on a pregnancy, and have no medical training, and midwives are pissed bc they make less than that, and they have medical training, have to pay for malpractice insurance, and have to execute the physiological part of a labor as well as the emotional part. It made sense to me.

Amy delivered at St. Luke's Roosevelt at the birthing center--until she had a C-section that is. Before the CS, though, she was walking around, squatting, sitting on a birthing ball, and sitting in a jacuzzi. She said being active during labor is the best thing you can do. She also told me not to wear a hospital gown, to wear something that is soft and comfortable and beautiful, and also disposable, because it's going to get shit and pee and blood all over it. She told me the contractions hurt like hell, and about the "ring of fire," which our friend Jen had just told me about: apparently when the head is crowning at the vagina, the labia lips are stretched so far, that it feels like they're on fire. Amy said her hubby pushed really hard on her lower back during contractions, and that that helped immensely. She said she wouldn't let him go to the bathroom at all because she needed him there, pushing with her. Hearing her story was really helpful to me.

Amy also made me realize that the birth is the beginning of the hard part. She said the first month, she thought, "I've made the biggest mistake of my life, having a child." She said it was so, so hard. So exhausting and emotionally draining, and hard on her spouse too. Now she's at 2 months past, and it seems like it is getting a lot easier. Thanks, Amy, for sharing your story. I can't wait to meet Luca, Amy's son...

Hot Mama

I finally saw the Justin Timberlake/Scarlett Johansson video "What Goes Around Comes Around" at the gym this morning. Hot! Scarlett and Justin are seriously the couple I'd most like to... and I don't even really like guys! Plus there's a lesbo moment in it, when Scarlett says, "I like girls." Check it out:

http://theutubeblog.com/2007/02/14/justin-timberlake-with-scarlett-johansen-release-latest-video-on-youtube/

After my 10 days of having a cold, I gained two lbs! That might be part and parcel of the six-month mark but I'm back at the gym now. We'll see... Our friend Katie says I need to relax about it all. She's right, I know.

Today I got a call from a nurse at Capital Blue Cross, my insurance provider. They offer extra prenatal care with an RN who talks with you on the phone and asks questions, checks in, etc. Judy was VERY concerned with my alcohol intake during my pregnancy. I told her I drink maybe half a glass of wine or beer at a dinner or special occasion, well, occasionally. She was concerned I didn't know the risks, and wondered if I'd talked to my OB about it, which I lied and said I did. I told Judy I was comfortable with the risks, and that I really wasn't abusing alcohol. She was still nervous though and I basically said, "Judy, don't sweat it. It's my risk and I know the risks and I'm comfortable with it." So she said she'd get off it.

Tiny Kicks?

My mom was in town for a quick visit this weekend. We had a little jaunt to Bye Bye Baby, where my mom helped us pick out our strollers, and did a few other errands. We walked through a few baby stores in Brooklyn (at Ola Baby we found the bedding we want, from DwellBaby) and saw some really great stuff in clothes that was a nice alternative to the Buy Buy Baby crap.

Today Ingrid and I went into the city to go to Bloomingdale's and as we were walking up 3rd Avenue at 57th Street, I felt this strong vibration in my pelvic region. It felt like a big metal pipe in me was experiencing one fast, strong vibration, like BOOM. It took my breath away and I was like, Whoa! Then it happened again, and I decided that might be Tiny's first kick!

We then saw City of Men, a really grim, and so good, movie. Science fiction about terrorism, and illegal immigration, and apocalypse and children and youth and innocence and war. Everyone should see it.

23 Weeks, Food Police, and Registering

SuperOva is 23 wks pregnant today! Next week will be six months, which hardly seems feasible! We met a friend who is 8 months, and she'd gained almost NO weight, except in her belly, and I was envious. Ingrid told me not to sweat it. This woman's been RUNNING through her pregnancy--something I can't even imagine. I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. This woman at work saw me eating a chocolate chip cookie that someone got for V Day, and she's seen me mac on sweets at her desk too, and she was like, "So you're eating a lot of sweets?"

And I was like, "Yup!"

She said, "Be careful, your baby will want to eat sweets too then."

Me: "Well, who doesn't?"

Her: "I'm just saying, they say babies like to eat what you like to eat."

Me: "Good. If that's true, Tiny will like sushi, salad, every ethnic food imaginable, margaritas, martinis, and sweets of only really high quality."

In other words, SHUT UP! (PS If you look closely at the side view of me, you can see exactly where all the sweets have landed.)

Ing and I have been maniacs online with our Buy Buy Baby and Target registries. I've been sick this week so we've spent a lot of nights at home, editing, revising, reposting, adding to the registries. It's exhausting! This just in: We're having a fifth shower, thrown by Ingrid's best friend from high school, Katie (mother of Sammie, 7-y.o. lover of Chinatown bargains). This one will be Ingy's high school friends. So cute!

I feel like an asshole. I told Ing's mom, and mine, that we didn't want all pink outfits. That I didn't want to sound ungrateful but that I didn't want to overly feminize our daughter. Our friend Liz says, "Liz, that might be out of your control. Plus, people are gonna get what they're gonna get, no matter what you say, really." So what can we do. Ilka: The baby Uggs!!?? XOXO

Letter to Tiny, Feb 12, 2007

Dear Tiny,

Babycenter.com suggests that we start writing letters to you. I can feel you fluttering in my abdomen right now, so I am writing this, and reading it aloud, in hopes that you can sense this, and someday, you will even read it.

I was saying to your other Mommy the other day, that I can't wait for you to experience some of the most fun things about New York City and this world. Like your first hot pretzel off a NYC street cart. Your first Peep at Easter time. Your first steamed lobster at the Jersey Shore. Your first strawberry-rhubarb pie from the Del Mar Farmers Market in San Diego. And your first Springer's ice cream cone from Stone Harbor, NJ. Unfortunately, you will find out that one of your moms is food-obsessed, and hopefully you will not inherit this trait, but will grow up loving and enjoying food like your other mother.

Food obsessions aside, Tiny, I am getting very excited for you to arrive. I heard some details about childbirth yesterday, and I am scared. The good part is, we will be in it together. And at the end of it, you will be here in the tactile world with us. Riding home in your first of many taxi rides, seeing the East River, I hope! There are so many people waiting to welcome you. You have a whole Vietnamese history and family in California that Grandma Van is eager to share with you. Grandpa Fred will teach you all about architecture and history and ancient art and hopefully take you to France for the first time, and skiing in Big Bear, CA. Grandma Tita and Grandpapa I.S. will share the amazing beachfront house with you, and welcome your little tiny cries alongside Rocco, Bean's dog, and will teach you the history of the northeast, of Pennsylvania, of the New Jersey Shore, of a family with 150 years of strong history, a family whose name you will share proudly, I hope. Mama Ingy will teach you how to throw and catch balls of all kinds, and directions, and a wonderful sense of humor, and I... I'm not sure. Hopefully I will have a lot to teach you too: Foreign languages, the love of our own English language and literature, the love of every kind of food in the world, the beautiful parks in Brooklyn, and the joy of the kindness of strangers, also known as friends whom we have not yet met. Auntie Liz will spoil you with cream puffs from Beard Papa. I cannot wait. Keep growing, and be strong. Soon.

With a Little Help from Our Friends

After our half-fun, half-traumatic experience with the baby registries, we had the kismet today of being offered some used stuff from friends who have now-toddlers. Our friend Hana offered us a swing and a bouncy chair. Susan offered a breast pump and possibly a jogging stroller! Thanks guys! These are so appreciated, and we are excited at any stuff we don't have to buy new, and put back into the environment--especially big, plastic and metal stuff!

I read in Women's Wear Daily that both Juicy Couture and Roxy are coming out with baby lines. Sweet! Mom, hint hint...

Our friend from Costa Rica surf camp who lives in LA and works in TV (on all my favorite crime-dramas!) is going to come to the San Diego shower. I'm so psyched! She says this about pregnant women on the subway: "Who cares whether you choose to have a baby and live in the city. If any of those men or women had been raised right, they would stand up immediately and offer their seat. That is common decency. The same argument could be made for old people. They're old and choose to live in the city, so fuck 'em. Let them fall over and break their hips on the train. In what world is that right? Pregnancy is a physical condition that causes stress and fatigue. I would be ashamed of myself if i was sitting while preggers was standing. It's just bad form. Those city dwellers have forgotten their compassion or something. Jerks."

Also, can we talk about the fact that last night's episode of The L Word was the best yet? The drama is just beginning, and Jenny had to face up to her own crazy, Bette is truly struggling in an interesting way (and having hot sex nevertheless!), Shane is getting some dignity, Helena is becoming a hooker, and Alice (Leisha Hailey, left, who once dated kd lang!! Fashion SO much better now.) is, well, Alice (the Phyllis storyline is quelle tragique). Rock on!!

Shopping for Tiny

We really did our first shopping for Tiny, as we visited Buy Buy Baby in Manhattan. I resisted going there, as it seemed so huge, disgusting and horrible, but it was actually a pleasant experience. There's a Whole Foods next door where we got very nice, affordable coffee and pastries. At Buy Buy Baby, we had to re-register because our online registry wasn't showing up, and Ingrid starting filling out the form, that had a slot for Mother's Name and another for Father's Name.

"This form isn't very progressive," Ingrid objected. "Online, you can register Parent 1 and Parent 2. Considering we are in Chelsea, I assume we're not the first same-sex parents you've had as customers."

"Good point," the clerk said.

"Will you mention it to management? It's not progressive at all," Ing said.

The woman replied that she would. This was a slightly annoying start but after that, the experience was great. Danielle in strollers took nearly an hour to explain every one to us. It was overwhelming. We ruled out the Bugaboo, thank god, since it's more than $800, and we narrowed it down to two different ones that are each about $300. Apparently we also "need" an "umbrella stroller," which is one for whne the kid is a year or older, and those can be as low as $100. Then we did the car seats, equally overwhelming, and the jogging strollers, and the attachment wheelie things that you can put a car seat into and make into a portable stroller. We thought that attachment might be good for the Shore. We realized we want to get a couple of duplicate things for the Shore, and maybe a couple of things for my mom and Fred's apartment in Brooklyn too. Egad, the consumerism of it all is freaking me out. I'm still hoping we can buy some stuff used and/or buy some hand-me-downs from friends. My work friend Jen is going to loan me the breast pump that our co-worker Carol gave her.

We did register for some basics on another floor: bottles, onesies, bath stuff, a nursing pillow, breast pads, Purell--stuff that isn't sexy but seemed like a good idea. The clothes at Buy Buy Baby were all really gender-specific and not cute, so I'm holding out for just a few cute things from nicer stores, and maybe a few gifts (hopeful thinking?)...

Anna Sighting, Up Close

Last night art director Chris and I went to the Costello Tagliapietra show--they are this gay couple who look like lumberjacks/bears, and who live in Brooklyn and who design together. They are so cute! Chris and I didn't get seats--it was so crowded--we stood near the door where we could see, right next to the camerawomen from WWD. I was getting cranky and didn't want to stand, as we'd been spoiled and had a seat for every show previous, but I'd heard such good things about these designers and I saw that Anna and Andre Leon Talley were both there. If Anna's at a show, you know that one is worth seeing. So we stayed, and it was beautiful. Ruched, form-fitting jersey dresses in gorgeous colors--stuff I can see both Chris and I wearing to work. Right after the show, I walked out because we were right next to the door, and Anna somehow got ahead of us and was right in front of me, in an amazing fitted leopard coat. Ingrid was waiting outside the tents for me and she saw Anna come out first, and then saw me come out, with my eyes all wide and excited because of finally having a good Anna spotting. Ing and I were going to try to head to Babbo for an impromptu date night at the bar, and we followed Anna and her two bodyguards for two blocks until she got into her car, a silver Towne Car, and drove off.

We got a cab to Babbo, Mario Batali's original restaurant in the West Village. Serendipitously, we got two seats right in the middle of the bar. I've never been able to get a reservation there myself, so we were psyched. We had a martini and a glass of wine, and shared an octopus salad, then a very mild pasta with bottarga (tuna eggs), and then a wheat pasta with anchovy sauce. Yum! I can't write about this on other other blog, the Brooklyn Dining Club, so do visit that blog, which our friend Nick started to discuss our Brooklyn dining experiences.

22 Weeks

Ok, you can't really see the progress of the pregnancy with this picture, but for the sake of consistency, here it is!

We've discovered that we are having FOUR baby showers: One in NYC, one in San Diego, one in Mechanicsburg, PA, and the last in Stone Harbor, NJ. Are we insanely blessed? We are going to Buy Buy Baby on Saturday to check out the registry. Pray for us.

Carmen Marc Valvo show was today. My art director and I both loved it. SO beautiful!

Anna Nicole Smith...

... She was pronounced dead after collapsing in her hotel room in Hollywood, FL. It's so sad. Everyone here is assuming it's a pill OD; I can't imagine she'd commit suicide with a 5-month-old baby in her care, but god, that girl is going to grow up f'd up. Here was my British gay coworker's comment: "Skank dies. World keeps turning." May she rest in peace, but I pray for the daughter.

Paging Anna Wintour, and fertility drugs

Today, I finally saw her. The Anna. She was at the Peter Som fashion show, which was beautiful. The first really big show I've been invited to attend, and it was a pleasure. Anna was there, taking up almost a whole row, with her posse of at least seven in the first row, and four behind her.

I sat next to a colleague from Bloomingdale's, who apparently knew more about my personal life than I'd realized she did. When I told her I was pregnant, she said, in a really jokey voice, "How'd that happen? NYU?" I laughed and said, "RMA." [Reproductive Medicine Associates] I heard all about her trials of being on Clomid and doing IUIs, and how now that she's 40, she wants it to happen quickly and is considering going on injectable drugs right away because she doesn't want to waste any more time. When I told her about my acupuncture, how I thought that really helped, she said she'd been doing that too, but she seemed pretty set on doing the fertility drugs and speeding the process along. A colleague in her office did IVF and had triplets a year ago. My colleague said, "You're gonna do some normal names for me, right?" I laughed this off and said that we were doing some traditional family names, but that we might do some non-gender specific ones, and she seemed to think this was crazy. To each her own, right? Everyone is very opinionated about names, it seems!

Apparently the most memorable fashion show thus far has been Marc Jacobs. I didn't get a ticket to that one; I never have. It's one of the harder tickets in town to procure. But everyone's raving about it, saying it looks very American but European-inspired. I did interview Marc Jacobs earlier this year for my mag, Little Brown Book, and really dug him. I tried to take Ingrid to Heatherette show last night, but the line was too long and we only had standing tickets, so we didn't wait. Baby, I'm sorry I'm not a bigger editor, and could get you front row seats to a show. Maybe someday...

On the cover of Us weekly this week is a story about Britney's recently revealed lesbian affairs, and how this could threaten her custody battle. Are you kidding? She's a mess, lesbian affairs or not--those have nothing to do with her parenting skills, let's talk about her BAD TASTE IN MEN! Oh, Sean Preston Federline, we pray for you...

Fashion Week, Day 2

Fashion Week is still a little crowded and annoying, but getting more fun. I saw Kimora Lee Simmons yesterday in the tents. She really looks like an Asian Barbie doll. Did I say this yesterday? Today, I saw Helena Christensen in the front row, and I've seen that milliner Patrick something-or-other every day so far. Otherwise the siting sitch has been very underwhelming. No Anna Wintour even! But I did see some other broad in sunglasses in the front row, and I was like, C'mon, honey, that's really nicking someone else's look! Today I saw Temperley London and Betsey Johnson, who, like last season, paraded her baby granddaughter Layla out on the stage. I kind of got excited to have a girl...

New York Fashion Week...

started on Friday, but I blew off those shows, and those of this weekend, to go to PA. I headed to the tents today to see Reem Acra show. I found it unusually unexciting. Amber Tamblyn was the only celebrity I saw (who???). More on this tomorrow...

Murder Mystery Weekend

We just arrived back in Brooklyn from Boiling Springs, PA, for our weekend at the Allenberry Resort and Playhouse. The murder mystery weekend was so fun--much better story than the one we saw seven years ago, and extra fun because Ilka and her Pittsburgh friends (Cyrus and Jason are this really fun, funny gay couple) were there, as well as Kate and Eric Querry and a few couple friends of theirs. Kate's best friend Jessica Antenucci greeted us by telling us that she reads my blog (thanks, Jess!) and she had a baby gift for us. If that isn't the most thoughtful thing I've ever heard--someone who has never even met me bringing Ingrid and me a gift for our baby--I don't know what is. Jessica has a new baby of her own, 2-month-old Leo whom she and hubby Tony adopted about a week after he was born, a bit premature. He's beautiful. They also have a 4-y.o. girl, Eva (sp?), who loaned me her dollbaby to play Sean Preston Federline to my Britney and Ing's K-Fed for the dress-up night at Allenberry where we all dressed as musical duos. Thanks Eva! I loved meeting you, Jessica, and your story of adoptions inspired and touched Ingrid and me. I'll bet you are an amazing mother, and I wish you and Tony and Leo and Eva the best, and I'm so glad you now have a beautiful family. (Though after hearing the cost of a domestic adoption--upwards of $30K!!--it almost made me rethink whether we would do a domestic one in the future.)

Ilka and her friends and Kate and her group went as the Pink Ladies and the Greasers, and they wrote a song and performed it (to the tune of "Summer Nights," but about the murder mystery characters), and won first prize. All of us who dressed up (Bean and Dan went as Courtney and Kurt, in a disturbingly close to real life imitation) won prizes, a bottle of champagne. A ton of people didn't dress up, so I figured awarding us prizes was the least they could have done. Will post pictures here tomorrow.

Allenberry was a feeding frenzy. At every meal there was an appetizer table bulging with food, and then on top of that, we were served a four-course meal. We didn't love the food but I certainly enjoyed gorging on dessert at every meal. I gained three lbs this weekend, since Thursday. Ingrid and I came home and walked it out on the treadmill and just had a salad to try to balance out all of that fried madness (they had fried oysters, fried crab balls, fried Snickers, fried sticky buns, fried brownies, fried catfish... there's nothing that they couldn't find to fry, that they didn't.).

Tiny got a lot of love this weekend, and she's giving it back. Feeling a lot of flutters today, and this afternoon. We visited Great Grandma in Mechanicsburg, and she was lovely and charming, and looked at the sonogram with us. Not sure if she was psyched or not, but she certainly was welcoming!

Snow in Pennsylvania

We drove in last night to Mechanicsburg, PA, where Ingrid's family lives, for the murder mystery weekend that starts tonight. We had breakfast with Tita, Ingrid's mom, at the diner next door. An old high school friend (here in M-burg, everyone is an old high school friend) of Tita's stopped by the table, and Tita introduced me as "Ingrid's partner." I think that's a first! Progress! It felt very good, actually!

We got home and the cleaning woman, Mary, who has been working for the family for over 30 years and is now 75 at least and fairly senile, or maybe just not-totally-there, hugged us and said how great it was to see us. When Ingrid wasn't around, she said, "Can I get you girls' addresses, so I can write to you, and tell you what's going on in Mechanicsburg? I know you're best friends..." I just didn't have the energy at that moment to break it to Mary, who has met me once in 10 years, I think. I also didn't have the heart to tell her that I already know all too well about what's going on in Mechanicsburg, from Tita, Inc. So I told her that Ingrid and I own a house together, and gave her that address. Then I told Tita this story, and she warned me not to tell Mary about Tiny, that I wouldn't know what I was getting myself into. I said, "You can't stop me!" But I never did tell Mary, mostly because she seemed really just out of it. I'm gonna let Ingrid drop that one on her.

Sara Gilbert from "Roseanne" and her partner, a TV writer and producer, are expecting their second baby. In case anyone wasn't sure, I guess this means that Sara Gilbert is, in fact, out. This is exciting! But I guess their baby will be in LA...

I bought my first maternity pants today, at Kohl's, on sale for $7.80. Actually, Tita bought them for me. The maternity clothes were depressing, but that might've just been Kohl's merchandise. Bloomie's sell premium maternity denim, but who wants to buy Rock & Republic jeans for $200?? Maybe Michelle, my Bloomie's contact, will go with me and help me get them with her discount. I've been avoiding buying maternity clothes because it feels good to still be able to wear my regular clothes, and because maternity clothes seem, just, depressing. And not cute. But it's time. All my pants except one pair are too tight. My hips are growing fatter and expanding out, to boot.

On the subway yesterday, there was a woman who looked 8 months pregnant, and entire row of people on the subway refused to get up for her. All men. And then a seat opened, and an able-bodied young woman standing next to the pregnant woman sat down in it! I was kind of shocked. Then finally this other woman got up, and shook her head at all the people who'd refused to get up. I thanked the woman, for the pregnant woman, and for me, and for all tired, pregnant, or nauseous or just weary preggo women. But then I thought: if it was our choice to get pregnant, should we expect non-preggers to forfeit their subway seats for us? It's not like we're handicapped. But then I thought again (this is the kind of internal dialogue I have on the subway with myself): If we are growing the next generation of children, of people, of workers, of one-day adults, aren't we doing that as part of a contribution to greater society, and shouldn't we be as comfortable as possible while doing so? I'm not sure where I landed on this one. Nick, weigh in? Anyone else?

21 Weeks

Well, it won't be 21 weeks until Friday, but we're driving to Mechanicsburg, PA, tonight--Ingrid's home town--for a murder mystery weekend at Allenberry Resort. We have a costume party on Saturday night, and we're going as Britney and K-Fed. I have to swing by the Salvation Army tonight to look for a baby doll to pin to my side.

SuperOva is holding at 15 lbs or so past my starter weight, but no pants, aside from my stretchy jeans, fit anymore. Everything feels like it's expanding down below. Like, just a big balloon coming out of me. It's a very weird feeling...