A Hard Day's Night

Last night was our first Bad Night. We've been putting Clyde down to sleep around 8 or 8:30, then I wake her up around 10 or 10:30 to breastfeed, and she sleeps better after that. She woke up around 1:30 and wouldn't go back to sleep for TWO HOURS. It was tough. She was soothed when we held/jiggled her, but she'd scream and cry if we put her back in her bed. It was very trying; we were all really tired and losing our patience. It was the first time I thought, 'I don't know how to do this.' I didn't cry because I was too tired to be that cognizant, but I was certainly crying inside.

This morning, though, as Clyde slept, she truly looked like an angel. I've been calling her An Angel from Heaven---God, that's cheesy, but that's what she looks like, I swear!! And it's hard to be mad at an angel.

So that's where we are this morning. Hoping that that phase passes sooner than later. We watched this great DVD: The Happiest Baby on the Block, that our friends who have an 11-week old, loaned us. It has tips for soothing an upset baby. The doctor who narrates it has five S's: Swaddling; Side/Stomach Lying; Swinging; Suckling; and Shaking (jiggling, not Shaken Baby Shaking). Those tips have been tremendously helpful but sometimes she cries inconsolably anyway, and we don't know what to do about it. She now cries about an hour or an hour and a half during a 24-hour period, which I guess, could be worse.

PS My high school friend Juliet had a baby two weeks after we did. Welcome, Else! (This is the fourth daughter born in six months' time to me and my three close high school friends, Kurt, Shana and now Juliet.) Mazel tov!

Advice from Great Grandma

My mom called this morning. She talked to my Ba Ngoai (maternal grandmother) and said Ba Ngoai was so excited about Baby Clyde. She said Ba couldn't sleep the night I went into the hospital because she was so excited. She also told my mom to pass on some advice to me about baby-raising (Ba had eight children!). Here's my favorite bit:

--If her poop is green, that's good. But if it's too green, lay off the salads. (!)

We are preparing the documents we need for the second-parent adoption, so Ingrid can adopt Clyde. It's sort of interesting, all the stuff we need. Also a hassle. I try not to get bitter about the fact that if we were legally allowed to marry, Clyde would automatically be Ingrid's legal daughter.

Day 2 Alone with Baby Clyde

We survived Day 2 alone together. We took the subway into Manhattan, which was a breeze during the day because there wasn't much traffic in the stations or on the trains. I took her in the infant carrier, that's like a backpack up against your body. She slept the whole ride, which was, to be fair, only two stops.

We met some friends at this great restaurant, BLT Fish Shack, around Union Square, for lunch. Had a lovely, leisurely lunch---oysters, lobster rolls, tuna steak BLTs, glass of Sancerre--while my friends held her the entire time. She seemed to love it. I breastfed at the restaurant, with a little napkin over her head. It worked out ok. (See attached pics of my friends holding and loving on Baby Clyde.)

We took the subway back, with a little more traffic but not bad, and she continued sleeping. Until we got home, and she was awake for two hours (longest time period yet!), some of it crying and trying to feed/soothe herself on the breast. She stopped crying when Ingrid got home (go figure).

Tita informed us that Tiger Woods and his wife, Elin, had a baby girl and named her Sam Alexis. Tita says, as usual, that we are on the cutting edge of names!

She is crying much more these days, but we are trying to soothe her in other ways besides just breastfeeding, and letting her cry a little bit. It's hard to hear that little cry but it reminds me that that's her only form of communication with us, and that crying is OK.

Tonight we go to a newborn care class at this baby center place. Details TK.

The Kindness of Strangers

In case you are curious, Ingrid went back to work yesterday and Clyde and I survived our first day alone, and then some! It went kind of like this.

The night before (Sun) was a hard sleeping night; she woke up a ton to feed and cry, and not feed very efficiently. So Mon am was a tiring one. Ingrid left successfully for work. We had a pediatric appt at 10:30. It was a pretty (well, pretty hot) day and I wanted to walk to the doctor's office, about a half hour brisk walk.

I practiced opening and closing the stroller; not an intuitive thing, surprisingly. I put the stroller downstairs in front of the house. I locked up and brought Clyde downstairs in my arms and locked the door behind me, with the diaper bag on one shoulder. I realized she was sitting straight up, and I didn't know how to adjust the angle on the seat to have her lying down part way (she's too little to sit up totally straight for that long), nor did I know how to fasten her into the harness.

It was hot outside. I was sweating. My milk was coming down, and I had circles developing on the front of my shirt where my nipples are. I didn't want to cry, because that didn't seem particularly helpful.

At just about the breaking point, this middle-aged Caribbean woman walked by, and noticed me struggling. She said, "Do you need help, sweetie? I do this for a living." She was a professional nanny, and she helped me lower the seat. It was a huge relief. Ah, the kindness of strangers.

The doctor's appt was great. Clyde has gained 2 lbs (!! FATTY!) since her birth, and gained an inch and a half in length. She is doing great with the breastfeeding and the doc says I can start pumping some milk if I want to have alternatives to always having her tethered to me, or to have Ing feed her a bottle.

We walked back home, had some lunch, then walked the other direction for half an hour and visited my friend Alex, who has a 3-month-old. Clyde had a crying jag at Alex's apt, and another on the way home, and then another before Ing got home. She wouldn't nap when I wanted to, so we didn't have our nap together.

BUT, she did feed well last night, so she only woke up about every three hours last night, and had good feeds when she did wake up, so we are pretty rested today.

And now it starts all over again! Going to the post office to mail the birth announcements and then lunch with some friends. Hopefully neither Clyde nor Liz will melt down today....

This morning, I went to the gym and walked briskly for a mile on the treadmill. Feeling better every day.

Clyde at 2 Weeks

The sleeping has definitely gotten a little harder in the last two nights. She's not a bad cryer, and she's up about three or four times in a night, but she's up for longer periods than she was initially, and she'll act hungry, but literally feed for like a minute or two then just twitch her head around and murmur and coo and whine. We're more tired now, but it's not unmanageable. My friend Kurt says it might be because she came two weeks early, and she might just be entering her true newborn sleeping phase now.

On another note, though, I'm convinced Clyde is already advanced for her age! She's not yet two weeks but she is already holding up her own head more, and is awake for longer during the day, and yikes!--today, she noticed the toys on her vibrating chair for the first time that I could see. So I brought out some of her toys and we played with them together, and she seemed to notice the objects around her--a new developmental signpost!

Meanwhile, I'm getting ready for my new homelife during the day. At every outing, we seem to run into a friend or acquaintance in the nabe, usually a stay-at-home mom: Alexa, Rhonda, etc. It has been so fun! My friend Julie's friend Mandy had a baby about six weeks before we did, and her name is Charlie. Charlie and Clyde need to become friends!

A Hard Day's Night

Last night was the first hard(er) night with Clyde. She didn't cry but she moaned and fussed a little bit, waking up about every hour or two hours. She seemed to be hungry but then wouldn't drink for more than a few seconds--so every wakeup call felt kind of futile. Every day is a process. But she's been so good during the day. Today I went for a massage--my back muscles are really tense from the breastfeeding holds--and Ingy and Clyde walked around the neighborhood, and the three of us met up at Jolie for a lunch and a beer. I was worried that Clyde would need fed during my massage but she was OK.

Sometimes early in the morning, before Clyde wakes up, I start to miss her, and I bring her into our bed and just look at her and stroke her little hairs on her head. It's so weird! Ingrid continues to be amazing and supportive and changes almost every diaper.

But Clyde is, for the most part, very easy still. She's had a ton of visitors. Our friend Julie came over last night, and we keep running into friends on the street with kids, who are meeting Clyde and very excited. She has now been to Jolie twice, to Prospect Park once, to Smith Street in Brooklyn, to 5th Avenue in Brooklyn, and to the stores on Atlantic Avenue numerous times. Ingrid and I are kind of treating this week as our vacation, and trying to do one little outing with her per day.

Brooklyn Family Pride

Clyde has had two major events now: Friday night, we went out to dinner at our favorite restaurant, Jolie, with my mom and our friend Nina who is 20 weeks pregnant. Clyde slept the ENTIRE time; it was great! I had raw fish and a gin martini, and Clyde wasn't up until FOUR hours later.

Yesterday, we put her in our big stroller, the Inglesina Zippy, and walked to Prospect Park for Brooklyn Gay and Lesbian Pride Day (a much smaller event than its Manhattan counterpart, but sort of sweet nonetheless). They had a Kid Space, where there were a bunch of families and little kids... babies, toddlers, older kids, with face painting, puppets, live music, etc.

Clyde was also great. She slept through the music but we did change our first diaper outside of the house (in the park) and I breastfed her in the park--it was pretty seamless. She got a bit fussy on the walk home (to be fair, the entire walk was about four miles) but only for about the last three blocks because she was hungry. We were exhausted after that walk though, and we all took our family nap together around 3. (That's a new ritual, and one that I love).

The sleeping is getting better. Clyde slept entirely in her bassinet the last two nights. The waking up has been more stable the last two nights too: she's waking up about every two or two and a half hours, so we can really get a good chunk of sleep before having to wake up to feed again. Thus far, it's been manageable, and I'm not feeling too depleted. Ingrid has next week to work from home as well, but goes back to work full time on June 18--I'm terrified about that Monday, but we'll take it day by day.

Ingrid started a photo website, Clyde Pride, to see more Clyde. Enjoy!

39 Weeks

Unbelievable that Clyde wasn't even due to be born until next Friday, and now she's a week old. Here are pics of me, one week after labor.

Clyde has been an amazing baby so far. Yesterday, she had her first pediatric appointment, and the doctor said she is perfect. (That's what she said, I swear.) Her color and weight and length are good. This morning her umbilical stump fell off. She is growing up way too fast!

Grandma Van spent the week holding Clyde while she slept, while Grandma Tita came, looked at her, and tickled her foot and said, "Doodley do." We pretty much forced Grandma Tita to hold the baby.

Sleeping with a Newborn

We've also been very lucky in this regard. Does this mean, karmatically, we are going to run out of luck and soon something bad is going to happen. Let's hope not. Clyde sleeps decently at night. She sleeps all day, save for about two hours, and at night, she wakes up about four times to breastfeed.

We're torn about her sleeping. We have a Moses basket next to our bed where she sleeps (thanks Liz and Jess!) but sometimes when she wakes up, she coos and fusses a bit, even if she isn't hungry or wet or soiled. When we put her in the bed with us, she loves it, and loves the human contact, the touch. So sometimes we fall asleep for an hour or two with her in the bed with us, and she LOVES IT. We are worried because of everything we've heard negatively about cosleeping, and we don't necessarily want to cosleep, but I guess we'll ask the pediatrician about it when we see her tomorrow. It's just hard to look at that little baby all awake and wide-eyed, and know that she wants to have human contact, and not just snuggle her. So we do. Any thoughts on that?

Breastfeeding. First Reactions

I have been SO lucky. I haven't needed the breast whisperer. Since Clyde was born, she latched on to my nipples right away. (In addition to an amazing cervix and pelvis, evidently, according to the breastfeeding consultant at NYU, I also have amazing nipples. Don't worry. I'm not posting any pictures.) She's eating well, the only problem is, she'll eat for maybe five or ten minutes and then fall asleep, and want to eat again in just an hour or less. So it's not the most efficient yet. But no pain, no chapped nipples, no infections, not yet anyway. I've been SUPER lucky, I know.

Recovery

So Clyde Elizabeth Eberly was born June 2 at 5:14 p.m., weighing 6 lb. 7 oz, and measuring 20 inches. That's pretty skinny and long. We think she's already bound to be a supe, except oops, she has my genes, so probably not. She is amazing and advanced and beautiful already. We are super biased.

The whole experience at NYU Hospital was AH MAY ZING. We loved all of our nurses, and I had a great experience with labor and delivery, and as well with recovery. It really was as good as it possibly could have been. Since I've been home, I'm resting, and going to the bathroom is a bit of an ordeal (I had a minor perineal tear, and I had some hemorrhoids from pushing, so I have this spray bottle that I have to wash with, and I have to wear these maternity sanitary pads. It's HOT.), but for the most part, I am doing amazingly well and feeling great and full of energy. Had first walk Tuesday, four blocks. Yesterday, 8 blocks to Target. Today, two times to Target, once by myself with Clyde. That was an adventure. Life with a newborn is very different. We've been holed up in the womb of our house, and outside it's summer, and we live in the 'hood, and so everyone is screaming and there's tons of sirens and traffic and people cursing, and it's just chaotic outside. Thank goodness it hasn't been too hot so we can leave the windows open and just enjoy the inside of the house.

Labor, Part Two

Hi again all--i apologize if I missed you on the first part of this email, but here's the labor wrapup.

Part one was long and uneventful. 26 hrs in the hospital. Around 1 pm, after pre-laboring on a very pleasant epidural for about 3 hrs, progress: my water bag released. It felt amazing and reliecing and freeing.

The ob resident came back and checked my cervix--she poked around a bit and opened me up a little more. 4 cm. Active labor, finally.

Dr deborah gahr, the ob on duty from our practice, soho ob-gyn, arrived around 2. She said it's great that your water broke naturally--i was about to do it manually for you.
She started increasing the pitocin and the contractions started getting pretty intense and frequent. One of the labor nurses asked if I wanted the epi dosage increased. I sort of did, but was managing ok--the epi doesn't erase the pain, but rather dulls it and takes the edge off.

Next thing I know, dr gahr comes in and says, "let's check the dilation." She did, and told me I have an "amazing cervix and pelvis!" (We all know I'm gonna get some mileage out of that) and that btw 2 and 4 pm, I have become fully dilated-10 cm--and it's time to push! They turn off the epidurqal at that point to allow you to feel the pushing, but the meds are still helping block the pain big-time. I started getting nervous. I was sweaty and cold and my teeth were chattering. Ing said, "baby, you are in the home stretch--you can DO this."

So at 445 pm we start pushing. As each contraction started, I have 2 labor nurses, ing, and dr. Gahr holding me. (My mom has been here since 11 am but left the birthing room bc she's squeamish.) We push sitting up, legs in stirrups. They say, don't focus energy in your chest, arms, face, neck, but really try to poo--to bear down on the rectum. We did about 3 pushes per contraction. Good progress first time--we could see the head! She has hair--lite brown!

Next couple pushes were harder--i was tensing my neck and face, and no progress. We tried using the push bar on the bed, but no progress. Dr. Gahr suggested putting her fingers in my vagina, and me pushing back against them. She's a genius--it worked, and after 25 mins of pushing, tiny slithered out! I saw it all on this big mirror--incredible! Ing was in tears, and saying how amazing it is that our daughter has arrived. Ing cut the cord--i love that. They put tiny, all gooey and crying, in my arms. She quieted down and was just looking all over her new world. Ing held her while I got stitched up--my perineum tore a teeny bit--i guess the massaging helped! Then they put her back in my arms, and we tried to get her to breastfeed, and she took the nipple--for about 20 mins, both sides!

Pretty incredible that the pushing her out did not even really hurt--i didn't feel the "ring of fire" at all, actually.

So I'm trying to get some sleep now--here at nyu--and ing had to go hm--we couldn't get a private room and partners can't stay in the semi-privates. But I'm alone in the delivery room, waiting for a bed to open up upstairs in recovery. I had a good hour of sleep, and am gonna try again now. Tiny is in the nursery here. If she needs fed, they bring her to me.

That's about it--im thrilled and stunned and blessed. Can't wait for you all to meet her. Still working on the names...

Love again to all.

Labor, Part One

Hi everyone--aint technology great? I'm emailing you from my blackberry in the hospital bed.

I'm including everyone awaiting Tiny, and those who have been reading my blog. Since I am not blogging now, consider this my 38 wks entry. Will update when I can.

First off, I talked a big game about natural childbirth for months. I hope you can all forgive that I just got done getting the epidural--the spinal medication that really takes the edge off. I tried, guys, I really did.

I have been here at the hospital for 24 hrs. I had my 38-wk checkup yesterday am, and my amniotic fluid levels were low--not good for the fetus. So dr. Dodson said, "go directly to nyu, do not go home to get your bag, do not pass go--you're having this baby today or tmrw." After 3 hrs in triage/checkin, I got a drug called cytotec at 2 pm yesterday. It's prostaglandin, which softens and thins the cervix, aiming to cause dilation (opening, which must happen to pass the baby through). The doc on duty checked my cervix 4 hrs later, and basically no progress. They checked me again around 10, still no progress.

So at midnight, they started me on an iv drip of pitocin, a drug that stimulates more frequent contractions, which should help labor progress also. For the next nine hours, contractions did get stronger and more frequent. I breathed very well, the nurses say, and I have to say, all my yoga helped with that. Ingrid has been amazing--giving me verbal affirmation, kisses, massaged my legs and neck, she's been amazing. Luckily, she was able to sleep during the hrs btw 11 and 6 am. As was I, to some degree.

Then at 10 am, I got another vaginal exam. I'm still only 2 cm dilated (10 is fully dilated, and 4 cm is "active labor." So I'm not even in active labor yet, after all this time. It really is hurry up and wait.

SO at around 9, the contractions had gotten more intense, and I feared that I could be here another 12 hours, easily. And the pain was getting more intense--so I called it. Two anestheseologists came in, and they put a needle in my spine to numb the area, then they inserted the catheter that the pain meds are delivered through. The catheter insertion, combined with intense contractions, caused me to sweat and brought tears to my eyes. It hurt. 6 on a scale of 1 to 10.

The epidural was a good decision ultimately. I still feel the contractions, but for less duration and intensity. But I am immensely more comfortable. And still not progressing! Well, the baby's head is down in my pelvis, and my cervix is softening a bit, which is good. But we've got a long day ahead.

Good news is, the entire staff at NYU has been just amazing. I was skeptical but have been so positively surprised. We're on our third labor nurse, and love them all. Andrea was a lesbian who was a hoot and very affirming and lives in brooklyn and is getting married next year in s africa, where gay marriage is legal. Next was Bell, a nurse who just got her midwife degree--also very loving and affirming. Now, Georgette, an older lady who is also very nice and sort of sassy, is looking after us. Plus we have some ob residents doing the vaginal exams, and they've been super helpful as well.

So that's the rub. Honestly, we are doing fine, but hurrying up and waiting. Thanks for the love, everyone!